Новости за 02.02.2024

NEW YORK—Buffalo sauce dripping from its beak like blood from a baron’s walrus mustache, a local pigeon reportedly delighted in eating a chicken wing Friday as if it were a sophisticated German cannibal enjoying his forbidden delicacy. According to sources, the pigeon’s eyes took on a crazed glint, and it savored the…

Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) sent the state’s National and State Guard to assist Texas in putting up razor wire along the border, despite a recent Supreme Court ruling that the federal government has the right to order its removal as the Biden administration has done. What do you think?

Public shaming of individuals over minor or major social transgressions has grown into a massive component of internet discourse, with its share of supporters and detractors. The Onion takes a deep dive into the effects of online public shaming.

DAYTONA BEACH, FL—Saying the event would mark a pivotal moment in the years-long conservative psyop, liberal conspiracy theorists claimed Friday that Kid Rock would endorse Donald Trump for president at this year’s Daytona 500. “Calling it now—on Feb. 18, Kid Rock takes the stage for a pre-race concert at Daytona and…

“Quiet quitting” is the new buzzword sweeping workplaces across the country, although the issues it really reflects can be confusing. The Onion answers common questions about the “quiet quitting” phenomenon.

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The past year has seen the most demand for housing since before the 2008 crash, and both real estate market experts and potential home-buyers are trying to understand why. The Onion looks at the factors driving the competitive housing market.

BENTONVILLE AR—Confirming the wild animals had been captured and airlifted from forests in Oregon and Montana, Walmart announced it had released wolves into hundreds of it stores this week to help manage shoplifter density. “Although the issue of retail theft is complex, we believe it’s nothing that a few apex…

With Travis Kelce in the upcoming Super Bowl, Taylor Swift’s sellout Eras Tour stopping in Japan, and recent online attacks against both from far-right conspiracy theorists, the power couple’s relationship, which is less than a year old, is facing unprecedented pressure and public scrutiny. The Onion sat down with the…

ATMORE, AL—In an effort to make capital punishment more cost-efficient, a cash-strapped Alabama Department of Corrections confirmed Friday it had carried out the nation’s first execution by lawn mower. “As of last night, the state has successfully executed a convict by running him over repeatedly with a gas-powered…

GREENVILLE, NC—Telling viewers of his latest charitable video to prepare themselves for his “most epic challenge yet,” 25-year-old influencer Jimmy “MrBeast” Donaldson announced Friday that he had resurrected everyone buried at Arlington National Cemetery. “You might not know this, but sadly, over 400,000 of our…

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Taylor Swift, who has not publicly endorsed anyone in the 2024 election, is facing attacks from Donald Trump supporters and far-right conspiracy theorists who fear she could sway the election in favor of Joe Biden. What do you think?

An increasing number of people advocate being open about salaries as a way to fix pay iniquities and encourage employees to ask for more compensation, but there are many cultural and professional taboos around the practice. The Onion looks at the pros and cons of salary transparency.

HILLSBOROUGH, NC—Running over after they saw a man screaming at their children, a group of local parents reportedly stepped in Thursday to confront an overprotective parent who was overreacting to their kids pelting his son with rocks. “Classic helicopter parenting, going absolutely ballistic over every little rock…