Новости за 04.01.2024

The Santa Cruz County bomb squad inspected an “inert military ordnance” believed to be a practice bomb filled with sand from the 1960s that washed up on the Pajaro Dunes, 20 miles southeast of Santa Cruz. What do you think?

NEW YORK—Dismissing the long-awaited unsealing of court documents related to Jeffrey Epstein as “underwhelming,” sources reported Thursday that the list of so-called elite perverts lacked star power. “Bill Clinton, Prince Andrew, David Copperfield—what kind of cabal are they running here?” said sources who…

A federal judge has unsealed hundreds of documents naming victims and con-conspirators in the trial of deceased sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. The Onion obtained a copy of these documents. Here, in pursuit of transparency and journalistic forthrightness, we present the names for the public’s enlightenment.

Although phosphorus munitions are not technically banned under international law, it is illegal to use them against civilian populations. The Onion asked Americans when the military should be permitted to use white phosphorus, and this is what they said.

WASHINGTON—Emphasizing that the newly discovered resource was our only hope to save the planet, climate scientists urged the public Thursday to switch to the renewable psychic energy of a frail, bald child. “After years of research, we can confidently say that the only way to avert climate disaster is to harvest the…

Disney’s copyright on the 1928 animated film Steamboat Willie has expired, allowing anyone to use the storyline and famous Mickey Mouse mascot, with two new horror movies based on the short already announced. What do you think?

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NEW YORK—Rolling out a premium subscription tier for users who want a more customizable viewing experience, HBO’s Max streaming service unveiled a new triple-platinum plan Thursday that allows customers to permanently remove any movie or TV series from the platform. “For $49.99 a month, subscribers now have the option…

This two-bedroom condo is perfect for you and Jessica. It’s been two years, and really, what are you so afraid of? You’d each get your own bathroom, there’s oak flooring throughout, and there’s something about the granite countertops that just screams “mature decision.” Low taxes!

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