A district in Virginia recently reversed its decision to change two schools’ names, reinstating their previous Confederate names on the grounds that it had been a hastily made decision in reaction to the Black Lives Matter movement. The Onion weighs the pros and cons for any schools considering a similar rebranding.
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PHOENIX—Trying for weeks to deliver a summons on charges of felony election interference to the former Donald Trump attorney, Arizona prosecutors reported Thursday they were still unable to locate Rudy Giuliani despite searching dozens of local landfills across the state. “Our multiple attempts to serve Mr. Giuliani…
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During a commencement speech at Benedictine College, Kansas City Chiefs kicker Harrison Butker railed against Biden, Pride month, and abortion rights before addressing the women in the audience, saying, “Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of…
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TALLAHASSEE, FL—Touting the legislation as a common-sense victory for family values, Gov. Ron DeSantis (R) signed a new law Thursday requiring all Florida women to produce three healthy, white sons by the date of their 22nd birthday. “The production of white daughters will not be penalized, but they will be seized by…
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BOCA CHICA, TX—Accusing the billionaire tech mogul of dragging down property values, neighbors of Elon Musk told reporters Thursday they were fed up with his eyesore yard covered in broken-down Cybertrucks. “I don’t know if the guy who lives there is sick or has fallen on hard times or what, but I’m sorry—that yard…
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A truckload of honey bees heading to pollinate Maine’s blueberry crop crashed on Interstate 95, releasing a swarm of 15 million insects before firefighters responding to the scene could contain them. What do you think?
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