DEAR DEIDRE: Although I deeply love my wife, I’ve fallen for another woman, and I’d like to marry her too.
I know this isn’t legally possible, but I don’t just want her to be my “bit on the side”, I want her to move in with us.
I’m 48 and my wife is 45. We have two kids, who have both recently left home. My lover, who I met on a work trip, is 30.
There is nothing wrong with my marriage. We get on well but our sex life is dull, and she isn’t particularly interested.
I miss the excitement of falling in love, of romance and passion. My lover gives me that. My lover and wife complement each other’s qualities and fulfil me in different ways.
I’ve already asked my lover how she’d feel about moving in with us, and she’s agreed. She’s very open-minded sexually.
But I fear my wife might not be so happy about it, and I’m scared to tell her.
I don’t want to lose either of them.
What should I do?
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DEIDRE SAYS: Bigamy is, as you rightly say, illegal. Polyamory isn’t – but it requires all partners to agree.
The fact you’re scared to tell your wife shows you know she won’t accept this arrangement. You can ask her, but be prepared for your marriage to implode.
Ultimately, you’ll either have to end your affair or your marriage.
Wanting both is a selfish and naive fantasy when you seem to know deep down how your wife will react. My support pack, Torn between Two Women, may help you.
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