MEET the ‘yes mum’ who ‘never says no’ to her eight-year-old, buys her whatever she wants and lets her make all her own decisions.
Lorna Simpson, 37, believes children don’t need someone “constantly telling them what to do and saying no”.
She has no rules as she believes Skylah-Faith naturally “does the right thing”, and so she doesn’t set a strict bedtime and allows her to learn at her own pace.
Instead of refusing her little girl Skylah-Faith’s requests, she asks her why she wants something and why she’s interested in it.
Lorna believes a blanket refusal without explanation is “harsh” and instead opts for communication and understanding.
A keen dancer, Lorna has bought Skylah-Faith a dancing pole and an aerial hammock, as well as her own gaming set up – because she asked for it.
She even painted the front of her house pink for Skylah-Faith.
She also allows Skylah-Faith to have her friends over for sleepovers when she likes.
But Lorna says her relaxed approach works, with Skylah-Faith rarely demanding things and able to make “conscious” decisions over what she wants.
She says she made the decision to parent Skylah-Faith with a more gentle approach after claiming she had a “strict, lack of understanding” upbringing.
Lorna, a part-time busker and home-schooler, from Croydon, south London, said: “Kids get this experience once and they need to enjoy that.
“As far as I’m aware I don’t have rules because Skylah-Faith does the right thing so that’s proof I don’t need rules as it’s written in her essence.
“I may say yes to staying up till like 12 or one in the morning if she really isn’t tired or wants to have longer watching a movie or playing online games. I also let her sleep longer till her natural body clock says so but usually she is an early riser.
“It’s here and there I buy her something she wants as she already has what she wants and needs .
“I tend to buy gift cards for her online gaming.
“I had a very forced childhood – my opinion wasn’t asked for and I don’t like to do that for my daughter.
“I had to unlearn and re-learn things – it’s one of the reasons I took my daughter out of public school and did home education.
“It’s a healthy way of learning and cutting out all this rubbish.
Children need understanding – they don’t need someone constantly telling them what to do. You let them grow…I like to try and relate.
Lorna Simpson
Lorna allows Skylah-Faith to make her own decisions and encourages conversations.
Lorna said: “So we’ll be out, for example, and if my daughter wants something online or in the shop and it makes sense and she’s genuinely interested in it – then of course I’ll get it.
“Because she has everything she needs or wants she doesn’t ask for things a lot.
“At Christmas shopping time, she realises that other people buy things for the sake of things.
“So she’s quite conscious in herself in what she would like and want. She’s got that in her to decide if she really wants something.
“I go with life, I go with how I feel – I just want to cherish each moment.
“I’ve had no regrets with the way I’ve brought her up.”
Lorna has tried to adopt a balance in her parenting, allowing Skylah-Faith to experience things at her own pace.
There are four recognised styles of parenting explained below:
Authoritarian Parenting
What some might describe as ‘regimental’ or ‘strict parenting.
Parents with this style focus on strict rules, obedience, and discipline.
Authoritarian parents take over the decision-making power, rarely giving children any input in the matter.
When it comes to rules, you believe it’s “my way or the highway.”
Permissive Parenting
Often referred to as ‘soft parenting’ or ‘yes mums/dads’.
Permissive parents are lenient, only stepping in when there’s a serious problem.
They’re quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids.”
Oftentimes they act more like friends than authoritative figures.
Authoritative Parenting
Authoritative parents provide their children with rules and boundaries, but they also give them the freedom to make decisions.
With an authoritative parenting style, parents validate their children’s feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
They use positive reinforcement techniques, like praise and reward systems, as opposed to harsh punishments.
Neglectful or Uninvolved Parenting
Essentially, neglectful parents ignore their children, who receive little guidance, nurturing, and parental attention.
They don’t set rules or expectations, and they tend to have minimal knowledge about what their children are doing.
Uninvolved parents expect children to raise themselves. They don’t devote much time or energy to meeting children’s basic needs.
Uninvolved parents may be neglectful but it’s not always intentional. A parent with mental health issues or substance abuse problems, for example, may not be able to care for a child’s physical or emotional needs consistently.
She said: “There’s a lot of communication going on where I get to see how she feels about something – it’s a lot deeper than just saying no to things.
“I just mainly go with how I am authentically.
“I come from very strict parents.
“There was no reasoning behind it.
“There was a lack of understanding and it felt harsh. There was no patience.
“I think that made me who I am. I’m very understanding and gentle so I applied that with my daughter.”
Lorna has some restrictions and has on occasion had to refuse some of Skylah-Faith’s requests, but for the most part, allows her to have what she wants.
She said: “There’s been a few things she’s been interested in – like vaping, which I’ve had to say no to.
“So there are instances like that.
“I let her look at them but we also did research so she can see it’s dangerous and not good and she lost interest pretty quickly.
“Or a really high ride at the funfair – I hadn’t seen many children on the ride so I didn’t think she was ready for that then.
“But she’s OK with it as she understands the reasoning.
“It will have to be with good reason that I’ve said no.
“Her passion is gaming so we’re working on getting her a set up.
“She loves dancing too so we got an aerial hammock and a dance pole in her room.”
Lorna likes to give Skylah-Faith freedom with her friends but still says she is protective over where she goes.
“Sleepover wise – if she wants her best friend over then that’s fine but I don’t let her go elsewhere,” she said.
“I’m very protective but if they want to make their own arrangements for sleepovers at our house, that’s fine.
“She always comes to me and says she wants to do that and I’ll double check she’s happy doing that and wants to do that.
“I let her have that choice and allow her to feel what feels right to her.
It’s the flip side to what I had. I want her to be heard. I struggled with my voice for years. I had issues voicing how I felt. My opinion wasn’t valued.
Lorna Simpson
“We’ve all got it in us to flourish, we don’t need anyone else telling us how to be.
“We don’t need to be taught to learn as a lot of the things you learn are through your own interests or experience.
“From birth, she’s been quite advanced and I’m not going to stunt that growth.
“But she’s still very playful, as she’s still a child, but she’s very inquisitive and she should be allowed to explore that.”
