DEAR DEIDRE: Sex with my ex was hopeless and I’m terrified I’m going to be a letdown in the bedroom with my new woman.
She wants us to get intimate but I’m scared even to kiss her.
I’m 34 and recently ended an unhappy 12-year relationship.
My new friend is 30.
My ex was my first and only lover. Unfortunately, she didn’t enjoy sex or kissing so we ended up celibate.
Even though I think she had the problem, it made me feel like I am rubbish in bed.
Last week, I went on a third date with a lovely woman, who I want to become my girlfriend.
But when she texted me afterwards, she said she was surprised I had only kissed her on the cheek.
It made her wonder if I only want to be friends – which isn’t the case at all.
I made excuses about being respectful.
Next time we meet, I believe she will be expecting a proper kiss and more.
I’m scared I won’t be able to perform or that she won’t enjoy it, and it will wreck everything.
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DEIDRE SAYS: Performance anxiety is real, and the more you worry about this, the more likely you are not to be able to perform.
Take things slowly. Next time you meet, kiss her but tell her you’re not one to jump into bed and want to get to know her first.
When the time feels right, focus on her, which will make you instantly less self-conscious.
Ask her what she likes and explore each other’s bodies. Remember, she’ll probably feel nervous too.
My support pack, How To Satisfy A Woman In Bed, should be helpful.
