DEAR DEIDRE: Since my lover has been in hospital, his daughter has removed me from his WhatsApp and social media accounts.
Now I have no way of contacting him or finding out how he is. I’m anxious and worried he’ll think I’ve abandoned him.
I’m 46 and married, and have been having an affair with this 49-year-old divorced man for the last 18 months.
We’re madly in love and the only reason I haven’t yet left my husband, who is 53, is because I have two young children.
But my lover and I have been planning our future and want to be together.
He was driving to meet me in a hotel a few weekends ago when he was involved in a car accident and was taken to hospital with serious injuries.
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I found out because I got a message from his phone, sent by his daughter. He must have asked her to contact me.
The following day, I went to message him to see how he was and the message didn’t go through. I slowly realised I had been deleted from all his apps and accounts.
His daughter must have read our messages, which makes me feel sick, and realised we were having an affair. Clearly she doesn’t approve.
I feel helpless and frantic. I don’t know his daughter’s number and, even if I could get it, I don’t know if she would talk to me.
But of course I can’t talk to anyone else about how I feel because my affair is secret. I miss him so much.
I can’t bear to think that he believes I don’t care about him. What if he dies? I might never even find out.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Being the other man or woman is lonely when something serious happens, as you’ve learned.
It wasn’t his daughter’s place to delete you from his phone, but she is probably upset and angry. At least his family is with him, so he’s not alone.
If you know which hospital he’s in, you can call for news and send a card so he knows you are thinking about him.
Hopefully, he’ll make a full recovery. Once he has, you need to make some tough decisions about your future.
It’s not fair to your husband or children to live this double life. Read my support pack, Your Lover Not Free, for more on illicit relationships.
