DEAR DEIDRE: My boyfriend is forcing me to choose between him and my son and dog.
We want to live together but he says if we’re going to cohabit, they have to go.
I’m 42, he’s 38 and we’ve been together for 18 months. We’re both divorced and I have a 19-year-old son.
After a few hiccups, our relationship is now really strong and it feels like it’s time to move in together.
As I have a house, and he has a flat, we agreed it made more sense for him to come to live with me.
But then he said he couldn’t be expected to live with a teenage boy and a dog. He doesn’t want to be a stepdad, and the dog annoys him.
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When I got upset, he said my son was an adult and should stand on his own two feet, and the dog could be rehomed.
There’s no way I’m kicking my son out – he’s a student and can’t afford rent, and I love having him around. And I believe a pet is for life. I love my dog.
My boyfriend says we need our own space if we’re going to make a proper go of our relationship.
Neither of us will change our mind, so we just keep going round in circles. And in the meantime, we keep on living apart.
Am I being unreasonable? Or is he being unfair?
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DEIDRE SAYS: This is ringing alarm bells. Your boyfriend has no right to make you kick out your son or get rid of your dog.
You all come as a package. He can’t pick and choose the parts of you he likes. It sounds like he wants you all to himself, which suggests he might be controlling.
Don’t back down. Tell him that if he loves you, he needs to accept your son and to put up with the dog.
There will be plenty of time that you can spend alone. Your son can help with the dog and will be out studying or with his friends.
If he won’t budge, it would be wise to think twice about your decision to live with him. My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, might be useful.
