DEAR DEIDRE: Having discovered the delights of no-strings sex with women I meet while travelling for work, I don’t think I can go back to a sexless existence with my wife.
To be honest, it’s amazing it’s taken me so long to stray after years without any intimacy. My wife isn’t interested in sex.
I’m 37 and my wife is 34. My wife had a difficult pregnancy, and childbirth with our son, now six, was traumatic so our sex life has never resumed.
Six months ago I ended up having sex with a barmaid on a work trip — and I’ve cheated three times since.
I’m a software installation specialist and I travel for my job. I hadn’t planned on cheating that first time.
It was quiet in the hotel bar, apart from one old guy nursing a pint.
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The barmaid told me she was 25 and single and she lived at the hotel.
As she poured me another vodka, I began fantasising about what it would be like to go to bed with somebody like her. I didn’t have to fantasise for long.
The other guy left and when I said I should leave too, she said, “Oh, that’s a shame”.
She definitely gave me the come-on. I signed my tab, underlining my room number, and said I’d be waiting.
She was there within ten minutes. I poured her a wine from the minibar and as she sipped it I caressed her arms and kissed her neck.
We then had sex, which was incredible and I realised what I’d been missing.
Since then I’ve hooked up with other women through apps while I’m working away.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This can’t be what you really want or you wouldn’t have written to me.
You’re risking your sexual health and jeopardising your marriage and for what? Ten minutes of no-strings sex with a stranger.
Make a promise to yourself that this will never happen again.
Instead, talk to your wife about your lack of intimacy and ask her what you can do to make her feel more in the mood for sex.
If she’s concerned about her physical health, suggest she talk to her doctor.
Your wife will also be feeling as if your relationship is now a friendship. Most women want to feel loved and desired.
If she’s willing, my support pack Sex Play Therapy has sensate-focus exercises. Build these up and only have sex when you are both truly ready.
