DEAR DEIDRE: I AM convinced my wife is having a lesbian affair with her best friend.
She stopped wanting sex with me six months ago, around the time this mate’s husband walked out. She won’t even let me see her naked.
We’ve been married for 25 years and have two grown-up children. I’m 52 and she’s 49.
Although I can’t say we have “swung from the chandeliers” for many years, our sex life was always good and regular.
We had a lovely life together. But that all changed after her old friend called in great distress, saying her husband had left.
My wife went straight round to comfort her and from that night on, she began spending a lot of time with her.
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I soon started to feel shut out and neglected.
My wife stopped thinking about me, she only thought about her friend and her needs.
When I tried to come on to her in bed, she would turn away and say she wasn’t in the mood. Then, one night, her friend dropped her off outside our house and I looked out of the window and saw them sitting in her car, hugging.
My wife has never mentioned any lesbian experiences or feelings but I can’t help being suspicious. It has got to the stage where I’m thinking of ending our marriage, as I can’t live like this.
I don’t trust my wife any more and I barely see her.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your wife does seem to be neglecting you and focusing on her friend a lot. But you may be putting two and two together and making five.
Going off sex, spending time with a needy friend and hugging her doesn’t mean she’s having an affair, or that she has become a lesbian.
Perhaps she’s going through the menopause, which can make a woman’s libido dive.
She may also have put on weight or be feeling more self-conscious about her body, so is uncomfortable being naked.
The real issue here is that you’re not communicating any more. You need to talk to her and tell her how you feel.
Be honest about your fears and tell her you’re feeling pushed out, and even considering ending your marriage.
If you love her, ask her to work on your relationship with you.
My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, should help you do this.
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