A COUPLE has confessed that they never give their kids compliments about their appearance.
But that’s not the only controversial parenting technique they use either.
Alexandra Cunningham, 33, from Toronto, Canada, is a content creator and mum to Lucy, 4, and Betty, 2, who she shares with her husband Shane, 39.
The mum-of-two has over 200,000 followers on TikTok, where a recent video of her sharing the couple’s parenting choices has ignited an intense debate among fellow parents and users.
“It is easy to let your marriage take the back seat once kids come into the picture and to take each other for granted,” Alexandra told NeedToKnow.online.
“While this sounds harsh or controversial, we think it’s crucial for successful family life.”
“Prioritizing our relationship allows us to feel appreciated, desired, understood and valued.
“Not only does putting our relationship first allow us to continually strengthen our relationship, but it also allows us to be better co-parents and partners in life.”
In the clip, which has racked up 219,500 views and 20,600 likes, the couple reveal why they put their relationship before their kids and avoid calling them “pretty”, among other controversial statements.
The mum goes on to explain that the couple will give their kids an early bedtime regularly so they can spend quality time together.
Additionally, they will “say no” to events that could put stress on their marriage or leave Alexandra and Shane “without any time to meaningfully connect”.
She said: “It is easy to simply avoid working on certain aspects of your relationship when you have kids, as your time is almost entirely accounted for.
“Making time to have fun together, work things out and allow each other to feel heard is vital.”
As well as putting their relationship first, Alexandra also explains why neither she nor her husband rarely call their daughters “pretty” in a bid to avoid looks-based language.
She said: “[…] I do not want to personally contribute in any way to the idea that looks are of crucial importance; they will hear that enough outside of the home since culture is so intertwined with physical appearance.
“It’s hard, too; every day I want to squeeze them and call them pretty, but I am trying to be so intentional about the words I use when I parent.
“I will discuss their beauty if it’s directly brought up or if it’s in relation to something we’re doing/discussing/how they’re feeling.
“Otherwise, I use different language or compliment other aspects of their personality.
“I hope this will instil confidence in them as they grow and isn’t based on something as fragile as beauty.”
Alexandra admits that parenting is “difficult”, especially for mothers, and hopes that she can encourage more parents to take care of themselves.
She added: “I want parents to know that they matter and that having kids doesn’t equate to having to give up your own happiness or sanity.
“The best parent is a happy one.
“We need to remember to take care of ourselves and our own relationships, as this will not only keep us happier for our kids but will model positive growth for them as well.”
Despite the positive message the couple are trying to get across, they have been slammed by some users online who don’t share the same parenting beliefs.
“I do not agree! Kids are always first no matter what,” wrote one user.
Another person wrote: “This is satire right?”
“I love this! But I do call my girl ‘pretty’ but then I follow with ‘and strong, brave and smart’ to let her know that she’s beautiful and strong,” added someone else.
One person said: “I only disagree with the first one.
“Our kids come first always, my husband and I made the choice to be together, kids didn’t so they get priority.”
“You should tell them they are pretty. They should grow up with confidence not wondering why their parents didn’t call them pretty,” someone else wrote.
