AFTER a psychologist said there are more lonely single blokes due to the modern women’s ‘higher standards’, we speak to men left on the shelf . . .
EVEN though he ticks all the traditional boxes, John Venner can’t understand why he has been single for three years.
The dad of one is handsome, well dressed, owns his home and has a career, but he says women now want more than that — they want “perfection”.
John, from Nottingham, who works as a voiceover presenter, says: “When I turned 40 I hoped dating would become easier. But I was wrong.
“I’ve got a lot to offer but I can’t find Mrs Right.
“I think most women are actually scared of finding Mr Right, or just don’t know what they really want in a man.”
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Modern women DO have increasingly high standards, according to one psychologist.
Dr Greg Matos recently wrote a piece in Psychology Today titled The Rise of Lonely, Single Men where he explained why there were more single men than ever before.
He said women were increasingly “selective” and that men need to address their [relationship] skills deficit.
He wrote: “I hear recurring dating themes from women between the ages of 25 and 45.
They prefer men who are emotionally available, good communicators and share similar values.” Being handsome is not enough.
But John, 41, who has an eight-year-old daughter, doesn’t know where he is going wrong.
He says: “If I manage to get a coveted first date, I always ask the lady to select the venue.
“Some dates have picked super-expensive places to meet. I once forked out £250 for a meal for two. It happened again on another first date and I faced a £300 bill.
“I suggested we split it but the woman walked off saying I wasn’t a suitable match.
“I explained I’d had a date the week before that had cost me £250, but she didn’t care. Even if you tick all the boxes, women will still find fault with you.”
He says he has even been accused of being TOO good-looking.
“I was surprised when women I was messaging told me there was no way I could be as good-looking as my photos,” he says.
“And I was even more shocked when they reported me for supposedly being a catfish, before even meeting me.
“I’ve also had women say I can’t be 5ft 9in, that I look shorter. I’ve had the same sort of comments about my age — I couldn’t possibly be 41 because I look younger.
“I am so disillusioned with dating now, I have deactivated my apps. I am hoping to bump into someone in a park and ask them for a coffee.
“I never thought I’d be dateless and so confused at the age of 41.”
He’s not alone.
Single Craig Munnerley, 45, from Hertford, says: “Dating is a total nightmare — women expect too much. I’m a good catch. I’m a great dad, I own my own home and I’m a plasterer and builder. Women tell me I am a cheeky chappy. I am well mannered, chatty and can make anyone laugh.
“I’m no Brad Pitt, but I reckon I could pass for his brother. I am also a bit of a star in the bedroom, if I do say so myself.”
Craig, who has four children and owns his five-bedroom house, has been single since 2016.
He says: “I’m not afraid of commitment, I got married when I was 25 and only got divorced six years ago when we grew apart.
“I’m a great listener, I do the school run and I’m not bad in the kitchen, either. I can cook a mean curry.
“When I hit the single scene again, my mates told me I’d be snapped up, but I quickly learned it was a minefield out there — and years later I’m still single.
“Most of the time I don’t even manage to get a second date.”
Craig believes he is often unfairly critiqued by dates.
He says: “I spend weeks texting and getting to know someone, then when we meet, even though I look like my pictures, they find flaws.
“It could be as minor as me picking the wrong bottle of wine, or I did not ask them about their friend’s dog that they’d mentioned had been to the vet.
“I’ve even been accused of sexism after pulling a seat out for a woman — I thought it was the gentlemanly thing to do?
“Women dating men over 35 want all the bells and whistles and if you don’t tick the hundreds of boxes you get the boot without even a ‘thanks, but no thanks’ text.
“For us blokes over 40, it’s a war zone. I’m exhausted and confused.
“It’s time women ditch their checklists and just go with their gut. Because in reality, Mr Perfect only exists on Instagram.” Single Issac Armitage-Bonillo, 37, an economics professor from Finsbury, central London, seems on paper to be a catch.
He says: “I spend much of my time analysing government policy and the country’s economy. But if you ask me to give you an in-depth analysis of what women want from a man I’d have no idea.
“I own my home and have worked hard to become a professor at 37. I have a good, stable income with a guaranteed career path.
“I work out, love the outdoors, and my married female friends tell me I am the ‘hot professor’ and are all shocked I am still single. But once I turned 35, women became more picky and dating has definitely become harder.”
Issac, who has been single since 2020, adds: “Women think I am too good to be true, assuming I am single because other women have turned me down for some reason.
“Men have to show a vast knowledge of all their interests but when I ask women what they think about my job they glaze over.
“They also expect me to spend hours ‘earning’ a first date by texting.”
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He admits he has his own criteria when looking for love. He says: “I would ideally like to meet and date a woman who doesn’t have children so we can decide our future together. But that, apparently, means I am demanding or not open enough.
“I am now so lost when it comes to the dating requirements of women, I am just focusing on work. It has become too exhausting.”
Listen up, guys...this is what women really want
I’M 33 and have been single and dating for seven years – and I’m fed up with men who don’t want to make an effort.
It’s not enough to just be handsome and funny with a good job – we deserve more.
I’d rather be alone than with someone who can’t keep up a conversation or who is more into his reflection than in actually getting to know me.
A few weeks ago, I had a date with a man in his mid-thirties who, on paper, was what most women would probably consider an “ideal” partner.
He was hot, had a good job and seemed nice.
But oh, how wrong I was.
On our first date it became clear he had a big ego, didn’t respect my boundaries and was only on the apps for casual sex.
This man reminded me of someone else I dated – he was older, wealthy and worked in finance, and was so rude that even the bartender asked if she should spit in his drink.
I remember him talking over me and he didn’t listen when I spoke.
Back in my twenties, I had a much higher tolerance for bad behaviour.
But now I’ve had enough – and I’m not the only one. My single female friends talk about it all the time.
Rather than accepting inappropriate treatment, we are saying, “Actually, no, this isn’t OK” and “goodbye”.
One thing that really gets my goat is when men think we should be grateful for their attention, now we’re over 30.
We’re not being picky, we just know our worth.
It’s no longer cool to “wait until the third date to call”, “be mean to keep them keen” and all those other tropes (it never was).
I’m not saying all men are bad. Far from it. I’ve met and dated some incredible people who are communicative, open and very clear with what they want from a relationship.
Kindness, honesty and good values will always win over good looks and money, and the same applies to women.
If being hot and playing games is all you’ve got going for you – you’re going to lose.
