DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner asked me to look in his phone to find the name of a plumber someone had sent him.
But going through his texts, I found messages from his ex telling him she still loves and misses him. I am 39 and my partner and his ex are 41.
He had deleted all his replies. I confronted him as I was very upset but he can’t see what’s wrong. He says he’s just being friendly but what about my feelings? Every time we talk about it he says he loves me and he’s just friends with her.
If I question it he gets angry. My ex cheated on me and my partner cheated on his ex, so I’ve always felt insecure even though we’ve been together ten years.
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DEIDRE SAYS: So your partner made it very easy for you to see his ex’s loving messages but had the forethought to delete his replies?
Even if he struggles to admit it to himself, it sounds to me as though he is boosting his ego by triggering your insecurity.
Don’t get sucked in. Focus on how you two are together, ignore his wind ups, and ask for a hug when you feel insecure.
My e-leaflet Coping With Jealousy will help.
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