ROXANNE PALLETT has told how watching Sly Stallone’s Rocky films saved her after suffering three breakdowns that almost ended her life.
The former Emmerdale star, 37, asked to leave the Celebrity Big Brother House two years ago after she accused fellow housemate Ryan Thomas, 36, of hitting her.
In an exclusive interview, she compared her 2018 meltdowns to Britney Spears’ infamous one in 2007, saying: “If Britney and I can get through those tough times then anyone can get through anything.”
Speaking to The Sun on Sunday, she said: “Looking at 2018 it wasn’t just Celebrity Big Brother.
“I fell apart three times in the space of three months on three television shows, which was all presented as entertainment.
“That pattern should have told a lot of people watching and judging that something bigger was wrong. I watched a lot of Rocky films after that. Those films saved me. Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky films are my Bible.
“Everybody finds something, whether it’s music or film or art or sport or the gym, that makes them feel better.
“For me it was therapy, then travel, Johnny Cash’s music and Sylvester Stallone’s Rocky films that got me through.”
Roxanne has revealed how she moved to New York, found God and married Jason Carrion, 34, a US firefighter, seven months ago. She thanks her “hellish” 2018 for giving her a new lease of life, and said she is relieved to have got off the “toxic carousel” she was on for 12 years.
Roxanne added: “The summer of 2018 was actually a breakthrough disguised as a breakdown.
“It forced me to upgrade every aspect of my life, from my mental health to my lifestyle.”
Back in September 2018, Roxanne stunned TV audiences when she falsely claimed that Coronation Street star Ryan had punched her “like a boxer”, during an innocent playfight on the Channel 5 reality show.
An astonishing 25,237 people complained to Ofcom — more than any other show this decade — leading to a tearful TV confession where she admitted she’d made a mistake and was sorry for reacting that way.
She said: “The mind is a very fragile and dangerous thing if it’s wounded. Mine was and had been for years. I was feeling things I couldn’t prove or explain, which made me react in an irrational way.
“But the therapy has helped heal that panic disorder, and so has stepping away from the limelight.”
Prior to Celebrity Big Brother, Roxanne had already broken down on Channel 5’s Celebrity Ghost Hunt show, hosted by Rylan Clark-Neal, after memories of her best friend’s suicide were sparked during a ouija board session that spelled out the pal’s name.
She had also quit filming in Panama three months earlier on Bear Grylls’ Channel 4 show The Island, when sleeping rough near a camp fire on a deserted beach rekindled traumatic memories of a house fire which almost killed her entire family when she was a teenager.
Roxanne, who now acknowledges why her actions on CBB sparked such widespread condemnation, said: “I understand, with what the public was shown, why it confused and outraged them.
“They didn’t see the full picture or the whole context or my history, so I get it. Only God sees the whole story so only God can truly judge.
“Viewers weren’t shown that I was treated three days running by the medics in the diary room.
“They didn’t see the build-up. This was not an isolated, random reaction, but it was portrayed as an impulsive act.
“But I accept I gave producers ownership of whatever I said or did and I have to acknowledge they had the right to edit me and show whatever they want in whatever context fitted their storyline.
“We all sign for these shows so it is on us to prepare for the outcome.” The psychological fallout from the furore plunged Roxanne into a state of chronic mental torment.
In the immediate aftermath Roxanne was diagnosed with complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, prescribed strong sedatives and monitored around the clock to stop her from taking her own life.
She said: “At that point I didn’t want to be here any more.
“But I don’t look back on the past, I learn from it and move forward. I’m in such a better place now.
“Therapy was incredible for me as it actually made me face things I hadn’t faced.
“I reminded myself of how strong and resilient my grandma raised me to be and I looked at my mum and thought, ‘I have to get through this for her’.”
Roxanne said the hardest thing was dealing with the daily online “cancel culture” and death threats. She added: “The aftermath of what happened was worse online than in the real world, which was surreal.
“There seems to be a breed of people who rejoice in someone’s demise and use it as entertainment, which is sad.
“I have no online presence now, which feels freeing.
“My husband and I left social media at the start of the year when we realised how peaceful it felt on our honeymoon not to be on our phones, so the online toxicity doesn’t reach me now.”
As well as the support of friends, family and Rocky films, Roxanne also said that finding God had played a significant part in her recovery.
She said: “It might sound crazy to say it but, in the end, God took the wheel. I wasn’t religious before and a lot of people might roll their eyes about it or not understand it.
“But there’s always a moment in your life where something just clicks into place and you see clearly, and for me the last two years have felt like a cleansing, like a reboot.
“I strongly believe that it’s down to letting God take the wheel because I’d been going in the wrong direction for a while.
“It took me being exiled and vilified and fired, you name it.
“I was ghosted by those I considered friends and ridiculed by those who now preach about kindness. It became debilitating.
“I couldn’t recite the Bible to you but I do know that there is something greater above that could see that I was stuck on this toxic carousel.
“It pulled me off it, and I am happier now and healthier than I ever believed that I could be.”
Now Roxanne has the man of her dreams, New Yorker Jason. She said: “Jason is everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.
“He became my best friend at the time where all I had to offer was me.
“He is so mentally strong and grounded.
“I have never felt so loved. He’s so romantic and so protective. He tells me every day, ‘Don’t ever worry, I’ve got you’.
“If I can have the worst chapter of my life and feel like I’d come to the end of the road and then within a year be in the best possible place in my life then, bloody hell, anyone can get there. I welcome people to use me as an example of hope.”
Roxanne, who has no plans to return to the entertainment industry, spent the lockdown in New York with Jason.
She said: “We’ve had a ball. We just bought our dream home so we’ve been renovating and decorating. We also spent most of the summer riding our bikes on adventures round the city.
“New York has been a bit of a playground for us during all this. I feel very blessed to wake up every morning with my dream man and a view of New York City.
“My mum told me recently she is more proud now of my strength through my struggles than any showbiz success.
“And she reminded me of something I had once lost sight of, that the biggest success in life is happiness, and I’ve finally found it.”
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