DEAR DEIDRE: MY wife had sex with my son’s best mate. She’s begging me not to throw her out but I hate her for what she’s done.
We’ve been married for 25 years and we have two sons of 18 and 22. I am 48 and my wife is 43.
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She has always been a bit of a flirt.
As the boys grew up she would welcome their friends into our home and flirt with them, too.
They seemed to find it funny and I didn’t mind too much.
It was just harmless fun.
My eldest son seemed very off-hand with his mum last summer.
I couldn’t understand why.
When I’d ask him, he’d yell, “I don’t want to talk about it, Dad.”
My other son then behaved in the same way towards his mum so I figured it was down to their hormones.
Then my eldest came home from an evening playing snooker with a cut on his face and a black eye.
He’d clearly been punched.
I asked him who had done it and he got very agitated and mentioned his best friend, a boy he grew up with. He’s also 22.
When I questioned him, my wife shouted, “Just leave it, will you?”
I asked her, “Do you know anything about this?”
She snapped, “No!” – but I knew she was lying.
When we got into bed, she broke down and admitted she’d had sex with our son’s best friend.
It turns out it happened when his friend called round when I was travelling with work.
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My wife had opened a bottle of wine, talked about how lonely she felt and eventually they had sex in our front room.
The worst thing was our son caught them at it.
He was obviously distraught and then couldn’t live with this knowledge so confided in his younger brother.
Now I cannot look at my wife.
I’ve fallen out with my youngest for not telling me and my once happy family is now in tatters — and, of course, we’re all stuck together for the lockdown.
My wife is so apologetic that it makes me sick.
I’ve told her I want her out and to wait for the divorce papers.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’re understandably angry right now so it isn’t the time for making life-changing decisions.
Yes, your wife was very wrong to cheat with your son’s friend.
But turning your marriage on its head and splitting up the family would bring devastation all round.
You shouldn’t blame either son for being loyal to their mum.
It would have been the hardest of conversations for them to spill the beans.
A marriage of 25 years is a lot to throw away.
Talk about how you could heal and rediscover love and trust.
At least agree a truce until life opens up again and try couple counselling before you make any rash decisions.
Check out the relate.org.uk or tavistockrelationships.org.
