DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE started an affair with a lovely girl at work because my wife dolls herself up with make-up each day when she takes the kids to school.
I’m sure she’s cheating on me.
We have been married for ten years and have two boys aged eight and six. I am 36 and my wife is 33.
She gets up especially early to put her make-up on and do her hair.
At the weekend she doesn’t bother with any of this.
It has only recently dawned on me.
We went out to the supermarket last Saturday and she had no make-up or perfume on. I asked her why and she said she never bothers at weekends.
We went to a shopping centre the next day and again she wore no make-up, not even lipstick.
I said something about it and she said weekends are her “days off”.
We’ve been going through a bad patch recently and I have questioned my wife a few times about whether she is having an affair.
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She denies it but I’m more in tune with what she does now.
I know she talks to one of the dads at school because she’s told me.
This make-up and perfume thing seems odd to me.
I wonder if she’s doing it to impress him, but I don’t want to keep accusing her of cheating as I’ve done that enough and it might drive her away.
I was feeling particularly down one day at work and confided in a colleague about my marriage problems. She’s 31 and a lovely girl.
We became closer over time and now we’ve started an affair.
The sex is great but I feel so guilty because I’m doing the very thing I’m accusing my wife of doing.
I am trying so hard to end the affair because I know I have to put my marriage and my children first but I can’t do it while I have these doubts.
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DEIDRE SAYS: I am glad that you have realised you should stop this affair – it will only end in disaster if you let it go on.
Tell this woman she’s great – as you’re going to have to continue to work together – but your conscience says you must try to fix your marriage.
Your wife may well feel that she has to look good to hold her own with the other mums at the school gate but, if she is cheating or is feeling tempted, it is most likely down to how your life together is now.
Stop trying to play detective. It will just widen the gulf between you and it solves nothing.
Tell your wife you love her but that you know something has gone wrong. Ask what changes you could make that would make her happier.
Suggest you work together to strengthen your relationship.
My e-leaflet Relationship MOT can help – and give you the best chance of seeing off any secret opposition, whether real or imagined.
