DEAR DEIDRE: WHILE my wife was away at a hen party I decided to put together a montage of photos for her 40th next month, which I was going to have printed as a surprise.
I was searching her laptop photos and was shocked to find pictures of her doing all sorts of sexual things with other couples. One man figured in all of them.
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We have been married for six years and are both 39.
These pictures were dated so I know they were taken after we were married but stopped four years ago.
I was totally shocked.
I love my wife very much.
I don’t know whether to talk to her about it or just let it go.
I worry that anything I say will deteriorate into a slanging match and make things worse.
DEIDRE SAYS: You can’t pretend that nothing has changed.
Your feelings are in turmoil.
Pick a quiet evening, just say what happened and how upset it has left you.
Listen quietly to any explanation.
If it is all years in the past, maybe you can let it go.
If it feels too raw, find counselling support at tavistockrelationships.org or relate.org.uk.
