DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a one-night stand 20 years ago when my wife and I had split up after a row.
Now the son who resulted from that night has turned up wanting to get to know me.
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My wife and I got married at just 21 — far too young. We are 42 now.
Things were great at first but my wife became pregnant quickly and our daughter was born 11 months after we wed.
It was a difficult time. My wife became wrapped up in our baby and seemed to have no time for me. She lost interest in sex and our relationship went downhill.
I saw all my mates going out and having fun and couldn’t help comparing their lives with mine. I tried to tell my wife how I felt but she was not listening and we split up for six months.
During that time I went out with the lads and met loads of girls.
One evening I met a pretty girl in a pub in town and went back to her flat with her.
She was 20. We had sex and it felt so good to be wanted.
The next morning she said she was starting work as a travel rep in Greece the following week, so I forgot about her.
Then my wife asked me to try again. She said she realised how difficult things had become and wanted to make our marriage work for our daughter’s sake.
We put the past behind us and got our relationship back on track. We’ve had two more kids since — another girl and a boy.
Last month I had the biggest shock of my life. A young man came and told me I was his dad. He told me his mother’s name, how we met and that she had gone abroad soon afterwards.
It all fitted together but I had a DNA test done to be sure and he is my son.
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He is a nice lad and the image of me. He is 19 and told me he had been searching for me for two years. We have met up three times since then and he wants to carry on seeing me.
He was really pleased he has a half-brother and half-sisters.
I realised I had to tell my wife and she is very upset about it.
I do not want to hurt her, and I know it will take time, but I want to get to know this lad.
DEIDRE SAYS: It will have come as a huge shock for your wife to learn about your other son.
Right now the hurt will be very raw for her. It probably brings back the upset you both went through when you split up.
Do not force the pace. Tell your wife you are going to carry on seeing your son but you don’t expect her to welcome meeting him very soon.
Explain the situation to your son. Tell him you need time to sort things out at home before you introduce him to your wife and his half-siblings – who may be keen to meet him and may help you reason with your wife.
Find support on how to handle this best through Family Lives (familylives.org.uk, 0808 800 2222).
