DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD a sexy holiday fling after I split with my ex. I want to get back with him but he keeps throwing it in my face.
We are 24 and were together for three years but he always put his mates before me and would let me down at the last minute if they wanted to go out.
He refused to talk about the future and eventually I got so fed up that I finished with him but we stayed friends.
I told him that I was going on holiday to Ibiza with some mates. We said goodbye before I left and he was fine about it.
My mates and I met a group of men who were also on holiday. I hit it off with one of them and we spent a few nights together. He was 29.
It was a lot of fun and the sex was hot, but we agreed it was just a holiday thing and we’d say goodbye at the end.
My ex got in touch while I was out there, telling me he found it hard not to speak to me. We FaceTimed and he kept asking me if I had met anyone there. It was none of his business so I didn’t tell him about the guy I was having a fling with.
I’d been careful about social media but one of my friends posted a photo on Facebook and this guy and I were in the background with our arms round one another.
My ex saw it and called me a liar but when I got back he said he wanted us to work things out.
We had an evening out last Saturday and he came back to my flat. We had sex and it was lovely and romantic, but then he just left. I felt really used. I texted him the next day asking why he had done that and he said it was because he could not forget the image of me with someone else.
I spoke to him for an hour and we agreed our hearts tell us to get back together but our heads say no.
I don’t know what I want any more but it is hard to let him go. I feel stupid for letting him in again but every time I try to move on, he is there pulling me back.
Now he says he needs time to think but I cannot wait for ever.
SO many of the problems readers send to me stem from being isolated socially so they have no confidence to go out and meet people.
My e-leaflet Widening Your Social Scene explains loads of ways and places to make new friends, who can then maybe become something more special.
Email problems@deardeidre.org or private message me on my Dear Deidre Facebook.
DEIDRE SAYS: What you did on holiday was nothing to do with your boyfriend. You and he were not together so you were a free agent.
He always put himself first when you were together and, even though you have split up, he still seems to believe you should put his feelings first. You’re not sure what you want, so give yourself at least two weeks without any contact with him. Then it will be easier to decide whether you want to be with him.
If you do, don’t just resume the relationship as it was. Tell him he has to treat you properly and not always put his mates before you. If he agrees, give him a month to prove that he means it.
If he does not change but you still struggle to let him go, my e-leaflet on Addictive Love will help you understand yourself better.
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