DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with someone my cousin has been involved with for a year or so. I didn’t think much about it but it’s led to all sorts of trouble. It was just a stupid moment with this guy. I was round my cousin’s flat one night and the three of us were […]
DEAR DEIDRE: I HAD sex with someone my cousin has been involved with for a year or so. I didn’t think much about it but it’s led to all sorts of trouble.
It was just a stupid moment with this guy.
I was round my cousin’s flat one night and the three of us were watching a video, eating pizza and having a few drinks.
I am 20, my cousin is 22 and this guy is 25.
My cousin’s mum, who had a stroke in the past, called to say she didn’t feel well and wanted my cousin to go round to hers.
My cousin said she didn’t expect to be long but it got to midnight and there was no sign of her.
Then she rang to say she was staying the night at her mum’s, so this guy and I were left alone.
He suggested we cuddle up together in the double bed and I agreed. I’d not had a boyfriend for nearly a year.
The sex was nice — not amazing but not bad either.
I left early the next morning, as I had to go to work and nothing has happened between us since.
I didn’t say anything about this to my cousin, as I realised it might cause an atmosphere.
She calls the guy “her man” though she is open about the fact she sleeps with other guys and he has sex with other women.
But she found out about us through Facebook.
The guy was stupid enough to say what happened to a mate with the privacy settings wrong.
Someone sent my cousin a screenshot of that as well as of conversations between this guy and several other women.
She went mad. Now I am getting threatening texts from someone I don’t know but I think was at school with my cousin. I’m sure my cousin gave them my number.
The messages make me worry about going on my phone in case there is another one.
It feels very unfair, as my cousin and this guy were already having sex with multiple people. So I don’t feel it is my fault if there are problems between them.
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DEIDRE SAYS: You were not the cause of any problems between your cousin and her boyfriend but it was a mistake to get involved in such a messy situation. You would have done better to have turned the guy down that night. Sex is best saved for a caring relationship.
Tell your cousin she had led you to believe she and this guy had an open relationship – but you are sorry if she is hurt. Then move firmly on.
Don’t reply to those threatening texts. Instead, block the sender, take screenshots and make a full log of all incidents – then tell the police.
The National Stalking Helpline can advise you further on this (stalkinghelpline.org, 0808 802 0300).
Got a problem? Send an email to problems@deardeidre.org. Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
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