When four siblings conspire to surreptitiously dispose of a dead body, tweenage Melissa (Ayaamii Sledge) raises an important point about their caution levels: “It’s not 1991—there are cameras everywhere!” Why is her frame of reference 33 years ago, at least two decades before her birth? The same two reasons these kids are looking into body disposal in the first place: This is a remake of the 1991 movie Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead, and it doesn’t make a lot of sense.
That is, the movie’s story remains nonsensical; redoing it in the first place isn’t so crazy, at least if you’re abiding by the maxim that when rummaging through back catalogs for remakes, it’s best to avoid the stone-cold classics. The original film is more of a VHS fave for a very particular demographic who didn’t mind its 1991 bait-and-switch. The advertising promised endless scenes of teen partying and mischief (the campaign seemed to be built around the miscreant brother nasally intoning “The dishes are done, man!” after skeet-shooting the household plates), while the movie itself delivered an ’80s hangover of a story about a young underdog (Christina Applegate) making it in the fashion business.
That’s more or less the story with the new version, a BET streaming original granted a theatrical release—though it gets off to a bumpy start that screams “hastily written TV production.” The movie seems uncertain about whether graduating high school senior Tanya (Simone Joy Jones) is socially awkward, desperate to prove her grown-up bona fides, irresponsible and in need of a life lesson, or anxious about her lack of direction (despite securing a spot at Howard University in the fall). On top of that muddled character writing, everyone is weirdly blasé about Tanya’s single mom (comic and podcaster Patricia “Ms. Pat” Williams) deciding to take an impromptu two-month yoga retreat for her mental health after quitting her job. The conceptual lumpiness isn’t helped by the fact that the movie often appears to be cutting around Williams, who seems genuinely uncomfortable around the other performers; crucial information about the mom’s trip is given to Tanya offscreen, then conveyed to her siblings secondhand. It feels like their mom is leaving for 12 hours or so, not the entirety of their summer vacation.
