Six months out from her December prison release, Gypsy Rose Blanchard is sharing the apparent joys of DIY energy drinks. In a TikTok video posted earlier this week, the 32-year-old gave a step-by-step recounting of the four-ingredient beverage she used to make during her seven years as an inmate. “Everyone in prison usually makes these drinks because nobody gets Red Bull in prison,” she noted, adding that the energy drink “gives you wings.” Celsius marketing executives are quaking.
In the video, the soon-to-be divorceé walked her 9.8 million TikTok followers through the ingredient list, which includes a bag of Jolly Ranchers, Kool-Aid Tropical Punch singles, a strawberry-flavored Fanta, and Folgers instant coffee. At this point, I would’ve opted out in favor of plain Folgers and some milk, but who am I to stifle the creativity of an up-and-coming memoirist? Moving on — step one: Crush up the Jolly Ranchers. Blanchard calls this maneuver “kind of important” because it adds “more fruity flavor.” Does it also add a potential choking hazard?
Blanchard goes on to explain her choice of Tropical Punch Kool-Aid, noting that “any other flavor would actually just taste really disgusting.” Yes, Sharkleberry or Blue Raspberry would definitely be the undoing of this mocktail. As for the presentation, she recommends serving the concoction in a cup of ice. “Do not try to drink this warm — that would be absolutely disgusting,” she cautions. “I know what you’re thinking: This looks so gross, right? But I didn’t like it at first but then they grew on me.”
Considering the number of gasoline-adjacent ingredients in a regular energy drink, I am shocked to say that upon further inspection, Gypsy Rose’s homemade Red Bull is probably less concerning than your typical grocery-store offering. Though I can’t personally vouch for the taste, Blanchard claims she still drinks her masterpiece to this day. Besides, the kids have decided it’s all right.
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