In many cultures, the firstborn son is named after the father. And, when it comes to the latest family dealing with baby name drama on Reddit, that was going to be the case too. A woman joined the “Am I The A—hole? (AITA?)” subreddit to talk about her fight with her husband of 11 years. They share two daughters — ages 8 and 4 — and this woman who originally posted (the “OP”) is 12 weeks pregnant with their third baby.
They just had an ultrasound and found out they’re having a baby boy. And thus the baby name drama began.
OP’s husband is a “third” — “As in, John Smith III,” she said. Before they got married and started talking about having kids, he made it clear that he wanted to pass down his name.
“At the time I thought it was really cute and adorable how much pride he took in it since most guys don’t really care about that sort of sentimental stuff,” she said. “But as the years have gone by I’ve definitely cooled on the idea quite a bit and I don’t think I want to have our son be named after my husband that way.”
When choosing their daughters’ names, OP’s husband happily let her “take the lead” since he had the sway over their son’s name. “It’s not like he wasn’t involved in naming our daughters, but he definitely deferred to my opinion.”
On the car ride home from the ultrasound, once they learned they’d be having a boy, OP said her husband was “giddy.”
“[He was] talking about how proud he would be of sharing his name with his son,” he said. “I don’t know if it was the best time to bring this up, but I kind of had one of those, ‘Yeah, about that’ moments.”
*Record scratch* About what?!
OP said she knew they had had this discussion and that she “technically agreed” to name a future son after her husband, but she doesn’t want to do it anymore.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone’s mood change so quickly and visibly as my husband’s did in that moment,” she said. “It was like all the joy went out of his body all at once. I told him that I just didn’t want our son to be a ‘fourth.'” She opined that the name “seems tacky and has weird aristocratic vibes that just don’t seem right to me.”
OP then said she’s not “totally against” the idea, but she wants to consider other names too. Regardless, he saw it as her going back on a years-long agreement — and believed her “maybe” to be a “no.”
AITA For backing out on an agreement my husband and I made years ago regarding potential kid names
byu/heiraita inAmItheAsshole
“He’s been withdrawn and quiet with me ever since,” OP said. “When I try to talk to him about it, he tells me he has nothing to say … he feels betrayed by my change of heart.”
“I asked him if he would want to think of some other names together and he told me to give him a list and he’ll look at it when he can. I know I technically agreed to this years ago, but it just doesn’t feel right to me anymore.”
Redditors’ jaws are on the floor over this bullsh*t bait and switch (a BS B&S, if you will). Their hearts go out to this dad, who must be so disappointed by both the veto and the breach of trust.
“You made an agreement with your husband,” said the top comment with 11 thousand upvotes that concluded OP was indeed the a—hole. “You got to name the girls, he would name a boy. You benefited from this agreement twice. Now, when it’s his turn to benefit, you have some moral objection to naming a kid IV. You don’t like the weird, aristocratic vibes … Surely, four years ago (when you had your second child), you felt those same vibes? But you nonetheless took the lead in naming your daughter, without, at that time, saying, ‘I feel weird about the IV thing, so why don’t you take the lead on this, honey?'”
“You can’t change the rules AFTER you already took your ‘turn.’ TWICE!” said a Redditor who agreed. “Give your son your husband’s name and learn to love it. You agreed years ago. You named two children yourself. You can follow through on this commitment.”
“The guy has spent years looking forward to this and now that it’s finally here, she’s crushed his expectations.”
Plus, they’re saying the husband probably sees this as an insult to his own name. Has she hated “John Smith III” this whole time?! Even if she agrees to have a IV, she’s now “tainted” the experience for him.
And people just totally don’t get her worries about aristocracy. This is a thing that people do. Aristocrats and peasants alike.
“And it’s not like the kid is going to be ‘John the 4th’ in school,” one person commented. “He’ll be called John. And 97% of the people he interacts with will have no idea he’s a fourth.”
“My brother is the 7th going back to the 1700s and they all had different middle names,” another said. “My brother goes by his middle name. But the tradition still continues. And our family comes from poor farmers, so it’s not an aristocracy thing.”
Ultimately, Redditors just can’t believe how OP wrecked that day and this dream for her husband. He was “giddy” over an agreement they made years ago and she felt the need to destroy that …?! Yuck.
“I felt a gut punch myself for this guy’s happiness being destroyed in that moment,” one person said. And, unfortunately, ditto.
From Asha to Aurora, here are a fewbaby names that symbolize fresh starts and new beginnings.
From Asha to Aurora, here are a fewbaby names that symbolize fresh starts and new beginnings.
