Having been a teenage girl before, I can tell you that there is nothing more uncomfortable than being perceived as you go through puberty. Your body is changing right before your eyes, spots are appearing out of nowhere and don’t even get me started on the emotional turmoil.
With this in mind, this story on the /r/RelationshipAdvice subreddit really threw me back to those days.
A mother of two posted this week saying: “My husband and I have been married for twelve years, and we have two daughters. The eldest is eleven, and the youngest is eight. He’s a great dad, and the girls love him. But recently he said something which I think was extremely hurtful to my eldest daughter.”
Listen, so far, so good. We all slip up and if he’s a good dad generally, he just needs to own what he said and apologise, right?
No, obviously not.
The mother went on to say: “He told her that she needs to shaving herself, and I’m really annoyed at him for saying that to her. If she was insecure about it, I would be completely comfortable with her shaving if she wanted to. She doesn’t seem bothered by it, and we live in a cold climate anyway.”
Hmmm.
She added: “I don’t see any reason to plant an insecurity in her mind about something that doesn’t even matter.”
Well, quite.
Speaking on how the daughters were raised to this point, the mother said: “I’ve raised both of my daughters not to be ashamed of themselves, and I feel that having my daughter shave would make her feel that way. She should only start shaving when she wants to, not when someone thinks she should be.”
This feels like a difficult one to navigate as a family. There are obviously different ideas of what is and isn’t appropriate to discuss with children but as the mother said: “It’s bothered me so much that he’s said this, I couldn’t imagine how I would’ve felt at my daughter’s age being told that.
“I’ve talked to him about it, but he just doesn’t think it’s a big deal. I’m not sure why it is to me, but I just don’t know what he was thinking saying that to her and I’m not sure how to get over this.”
Understandable!
Commenter Heathercs34 put it perfectly when she said: “I recently heard my best friend berate her husband over some disparaging comment he made to their teen.
“She said something like - she’ll be judged by men her whole life, and I’ll be damned if I’ll stand by and let her father talk to her like that. Have some respect!”
Well, indeed.
