In a Reddit post shared to r/AmITheAsshole (AITA), site user u/flaggingd asked, “AITA? I didn’t attend my son’s wedding, I instead spent the evening with his ex-wife.”
The poster ― who was voted not in the wrong in the forum’s poll ― explained that her son moved away from home at 19 and quickly got engaged. She didn’t feel he was mature enough to marry at that stage, and told him as such.
After the wedding, “they both dropped out and moved back here to his home town,” the poster explained. “At 20 they had their first child, a beautiful little girl. 16 months later, my DIL [daughter-in-law] gave birth to their second child, a little boy.”
The poster then explained that after their second grandchild was born, their daughter-in-law seemed unhappy and unofficially seperated from their son.
After the divide, the daughter-in-law “began unloading on [the son’s parents]. I know there are two sides to every story, but considering I know my son, I believed her.”
“I sat my son down numerous times to speak with him regarding his marriage. He refused to take responsibility, [and] blamed her for everything even when I directly pointed out where he was the sole problem,” the parent said.
Despite a year of counselling, the daughter-in-law eventually filed for divorce. After that, “my son three days later was on Facebook announcing his new girlfriend. A month later, they were engaged,” the poster says.
“My son had forced his then-wife to become a permanent SAHM [stay-at-home mother] at the birth of their first child,” they added.
“She of course had no other family or friends here, she knew no one aside from us. She had nowhere to go with two small children. Unbeknownst to our son, my wife and I helped her financially and got her an apartment.”
“Before the divorce was even finalised, we received a wedding invitation,” the parent shared.
“I made it clear to my son that I would not be attending and they would not have my blessing. His mother told him she would see to it that I would attend. I stayed consistent in my decision, I also asked him not to bring his fiancée around our house out of respect for the mother of his children,” they added.
The son’s sister also refused to attend the wedding, while his mother brought his children to the event.
“My daughter and I decided to spend the evening with his ex. I couldn’t imagine her sitting alone, while her kids attended their father’s wedding,” the parent shared.
“I just wanted her to know, she’ll always be considered family to us. My daughter also made a joke they can drop the in-law status and just be sisters now. She was very tearfully grateful, I realized just how badly she needed our support, specifically on that night,” they added.
Of course, the son took it very poorly ― “The next morning, my son called to tell me how much of a horrible father I am for not attending his wedding,” the poster revealed.
“A few days later he caught wind that I spent the wedding evening with his ex. He said that was the ultimate form of betrayal, and further, myself and his sister would have to earn a relationship with him on his terms only.”
One commenter said, “it sounds like you’re a reasonable parent who acknowledges when your kid is being an idiot. I don’t see anything wrong with you choosing to support the mother of your grandchildren who he seems to have left in a bad spot.”
″He wanted a trophy wife, immediately got into a relationship with another woman when he got divorced and tried to manipulate both you and her,” another replied.
“I don’t understand people that think you are required to side with family members regardless of their decisions,” yet another site user replied. “From the sounds of it, your son wasn’t faithful to your DIL. He is the one who did wrong, not her. Why punish someone you care about when they’re the victim?”
What do you think?
