By Sarah Cowgill
It started with the most disastrous presidential debate in modern political history. A slow and steady drumbeat swelled into a cacophony of percussion from voters, media outlets, and even some Democrat lawmakers that President Joe Biden needed to step away for the good of the order. But whose order? The GOP would be delighted to run its presumptive nominee against the elder statesman. The president is on a damage control tour, and heartlanders wonder what would best reset the nation to respect, prosperity, and responsibility – golf handicaps, it seems, are not part of the criteria.
The bizarre performance prompted the wildest of theories and shone a light of truth on what White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre used as constant cover: Cheap fakes. Those “cheap fakes” have delivered a hefty bill to the Democratic Party just over a hundred days away from Election Day 2024.
Mr. Biden and his wife, Dr. Jill, are determined to negotiate that bill down to nothing and stay in the race. Sure, the president had a bad night – but Trump told 28 lies in 90 minutes, they argue. So out they go on the campaign trail in search of the softball events and interviews – and nothing late enough in the evening to interfere with Biden’s bedtime. But can it even be done?
Roxanna Alejandro has her doubts. “America is in trouble. Big trouble,” wrote the gal from Eagle Pass, Texas. “As a nation, we are dancing on a perilous precipice, teetering on the verge of destruction. America is losing her soul. And it’s only a matter of time before the bottom drops out, and we find ourselves in a free fallfrom which there may be no recovery.”
In an attempt to put out the fires, the president sat down for a talk with ABC’s George Stephanopoulos. Even with softball questions scattered about, Joe wasn’t on the rebound. Rather, he tended to repeat himself and pivot back to Trump’s alleged fibs, saying he had been distracted by Trump’s yelling. Cindy Mangus Smith in Salem, Ohio, smelled a rat: “I think it was a set-up to get him out.”
But Biden embraced his former boss, BarackObama’s, support, repeating the claim: “I just had a bad night.” He assured the American public: “I don’t think anybody’s more qualified to be president or win this race but me.” Michelle Gordon of Ville Platte, LA, wrote: “My cats are more qualified.”
“He was already declared too incompetent to stand trial in the classified documents case,” reminded Debbie Aree in Indianapolis. “But somehow, he is competent to be President of the USA? Come on, man.”
President George Washington said in his farewell address after deciding not to seek a third: “Every day the increasing weight of years admonishes me more and more that the shade of retirement is as necessary to me as it will be welcome.” Washington feared that Americans would view the presidency as a lifetime appointment if he died in office. Allegedly, Washington was still sharp as a tack when the letter was published.
One very prominent DC newspaper took a different tack in urging the president not to seek re-election. Its editorial board took the liberty of writing Biden’s farewell address – much like Alexander Hamilton was rumored to do for George, with a strong Founding Father vibe:
“My season of service is nearing its close. This was a hard truth to face. But it is the natural course of things — as evident as the progression from spring to summer, from fall to winter. This is why I have decided to withdraw from the campaign for president of the United States. At this moment, the nation needs something I cannot provide: a leader with the energy to run a vigorous campaign and then to work for America, at all hours, for the next four years.”
In Houston, Ron Johnstone would rather have the media stop telling Americans what to think and how to perceive Joe Biden’s health problems: “Let us true Americans just vote.”
There are few things more satisfying in life than the phrase, “I told you so.” Heartlanders ask today, “Now what?”
At this point in the presidential battle, Joe Biden can make or break his number two,Kamala. But is she anywhere near ready?
The Daily Showreleased adamning video(parody) poking fun at the word salads the vice president manages to serve up. C’mon, man, that’s not helpful when the media turns on number two.
In Fayetteville, NC, Christopher Andrade made clear sense: “Even with her already well-reported baggage, the main reason it can’t be Harris is because she can’t answer the question of when she knew Biden was slipping. Ignorance makes her look bad as a leader, and answering it honestly begs the question of why she didn’t show courage and step up for the safety of the Nation.”
