Surprise: Good Communication Does Not Result In A Better Relationship

Couples often ask for advice about for how they can improve their communication. "If we could just find better ways to communicate with each other," they say, "we would have a much better relationship." So they seek couples therapy, they go to workshops for learning new relationship "skills;" and they read the latest books and articles about communication techniques and strategies.

But If better communication could create more intimate, loving and sustaining relationships, why are so many couples unable to find what works? The answer is that they may be on a "fool's errand." Good communication, per se, doesn't make relationships better. Rather, good communication is a feature, an outcome, of having created a positive, sustaining relationship to begin with; not it's source.

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