Donald Trump fundraises off Brexit, promises similar 'shockwave' if elected

And now here's Donald Trump, human NASCAR crash, promising in a hastily-scribbled fundraising letter to do for America what Brexit is doing for the United Kingdom. C'mon, everybody, won't you chip in a little to crater the world economy?

These voters stood up for their nation—they put the United Kingdom first, and they took their country back.

With your help, we're going to do the exact same thing on Election Day 2016 here in the United States of America. [...]

Let's send another shockwave around the world. Let's take back our country from the corrupt career politicians and put Americans first. Let's re-declare our independence.

Woooooooo! And a tire goes into the crowd! You get to keep that burning tire, little Billy, it's all yours! Billy? Eh, we'll tell him when he wakes up.

In general, mind you, financial "shockwaves" are considered a bad thing. Promising that if you're elected, financial markets will tank three percent in an afternoon is certainly not your average campaign vow—but it may be the one promise Donald Trump can keep.

Don't worry about Donald, though. He says he'll probably make some money here, and he is a brilliant businessman because experts like John Barron say so. So it's all good.

“If the pound goes down, more people are coming to Turnberry, frankly,” he said, referring to the location of his resort. “For traveling and for other things, I think it very well could turn out to be positive.”

Give twenty bucks to Donald Trump today, America, and let's roll our way towards a bright new sparkling future. One with shockwaves.