WASHINGTON—Saying that the singer’s ridiculous fashion sense would be a balm in a difficult time, the nation’s distraught populace confirmed Thursday that it had never needed Pharrell to show up in a crazy hat more than it does right now. “Between climate change, political upheaval, and the creeping sense that things aren’t going to be okay, I just really need to see Pharrell Williams hitting the town in some big, stupid headwear,” said Vermont resident Renee Roberts, echoing the sentiments of millions of Americans who had taken to the streets to cup their hands to their mouths and call out for Pharrell in hopes that he would appear sporting some sort of velvety cowboy hat or huge, towering beanie. “One more strange, floppy Pharrell hat would really take the edge off right now. I think that’s the only thing that could make me feel okay anymore with things as bad as they are. Oh Pharrell, where are you? We need your bizarre hats now more than ever!” At press time, the nation reportedly snapped at Jamiroquai vocalist Jay Kay to get his fluffy little dumbass hat the hell out of their sight.
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