CHÂTEAU DE CHAMBORD—Asserting that such uncouth behavior brings shame upon the glorious lineage of a court that can be traced back 12 generations, a breaking report released Friday stated that you forget yourself with such impropriety, viscount! According to sources who hold a hallowed position within this palace, you must take hold of your senses and recall that this is not a lowly tavern, where such carousing might be tolerated, but rather a regal site with ties to none less than Fontainebleau itself. The report went on to stress that, indeed, such impudence at an august banquet better befits a common baron than a viscount of your peerage, and then warned that you must take heed of where you stand, lest you lose your head. After all, sources confirmed, it was the Great Monarch himself who erected these majestic walls—or do you not recall that in your state of debauchery, viscount? Noble bystanders went on to stress that there is no guarantee that you shall marry the marquess’s daughter, particularly if such misdeeds continue unabated. At press time, advisors observed that if you have a shred of honor, you will put your jerkin back on and return to your chambers immediately, lest you humiliate yourself further.
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