PALM BEACH, FL—Revealing that the stage was first set in 1999 with his short-lived Reform Party run, President-elect Donald Trump admitted Friday that his entire political career has been a WWE storyline to set up a match with Cody Rhodes. “Everything, from the Obama trutherism to retaking the White House, has been building to this: the greatest match of all time, between me and that no good son of a bitch Cody Rhodes,” said Trump, grabbing a reporter’s microphone and looking straight into the camera as he explained how years of public life had paved the way for a winner-take-all battle for the belt that would determine who would be the most powerful man in the country. “You thought China was in trouble? Just wait until I get my hands on Rhodes. American Nightmare, where the hell are you? Get your ass to the Capitol. Papa Trump is about to bring the hurt.” At press time, Trump had reportedly been admitted to Walter Reed Medical Center after Rhodes delivered an especially nasty Alabama slam.
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