PALM BEACH, FL—Blushing, short of breath, and unable to look away from the image, the Trump boys told reporters Thursday that they got a weird feeling after their Uncle Elon showed them a picture of a busty anime cat girl. “Uncle Elon called us over to look at his phone, made us promise not to tell anybody, and then showed us his special pictures of the cat girl,” said Eric Trump, who confided that he and his brother felt like they were doing something really bad, but at the same time it felt really good. “I always thought girls like Tiffany were gross, but this was different. It was like a pretty girl who had cat ears, fur, a tail, and really big boobies—you could see the nipples and everything. I felt all warm down there and my stomach was full of buzzle bees [sic] and I didn’t like it. But when Uncle Elon said he needed to be alone and tried to take the picture away we got really upset and mad.” At press time, Eric and Donald Jr. were reportedly on the ground wrestling each other over who would get to be the cat girl’s boyfriend first.
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