Aides Beg J.D. Vance To Stop Carrying Model Of Woman’s Pelvis While Meeting Voters
LEXINGTON, KY—Stating that the anatomical facsimile of the female groin was having the opposite of the vice presidential candidate’s intended effect, aides begged J.D. Vance on Monday to stop carrying around a model of a woman’s pelvis while meeting with voters. “I can’t stress enough how much people don’t like it when you silently hold a life-size model of a woman’s genitals up to their face when they’re talking about their family’s financial struggles,” said Vance advisor Reid Keck, adding that the expression of revulsion on the Ohio senator’s face whenever he looked at the model of the female pubic region wasn’t helping either. “I know it’s not what you’re used to, but you can probably leave words like fallopian tube, cervix, labia, and vulva out of your stump speech entirely. To be honest, you should also stop gesturing at people in the audience with that speculum.” At press time, aides were reportedly in damage control mode after Vance, in a new attempt to appeal to suburban women, opened an event by smashing the model of a woman’s pelvis on stage.
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