Plus: My boyfriend caught me retouching the photos, and I'm mortified.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am involved in pageantry, and my manager is pressuring me to undergo liposuction to give me so-called Barbie arms, but I am hesitant and reluctant to go through with it.
I value my natural appearance and am unsure about altering it through surgery.
He told me that my arms being out of proportion to my body will be one of the factors that might cause me not to win.
I want to make a decision that aligns with my values and beliefs while maintaining my authenticity, but I don’t want to compromise my opportunities in the pageant world. I’m not sure how to proceed.
— Pageant Woman
DEAR PAGEANT WOMAN: The world of pageantry can be intense, and people involved in it will do almost anything to get ahead. I personally do not think it is smart to do unnecessary cosmetic surgery to give yourself “Barbie arms.”
I remember when I was a model many years ago, a makeup artist told me that if I wanted to be successful, I needed to have a nose job. I don’t know whether he was right or not, but I chose not to do that. I also didn’t continue on that path after a few years, but I don’t think my nose stood in my way.
You have to decide how badly you want to be in the pageant world and what you are willing to do to compete.
I will just recommend that you look at your life in the long term. What do you want for yourself? What will it take to get that? Is the cost too high?
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boyfriend discovered that I edit my pictures, and now I feel ashamed to face him.
A mutual friend showed me an editing app that allows me to remove eye bags, slim down my face and adjust my waist to appear slimmer. For the past two years, I have used this app on every photo I post. I’ve noticed increased engagement and compliments on social media as a result.
However, during our 21st anniversary celebration yesterday, my boyfriend caught me editing our photos. I had never shared an unedited photo of us before, and now I feel embarrassed to face him after that incident. I was dead-quiet the whole ride back.
— Insecure GF
DEAR INSECURE GF: It is extremely common for people to use editing apps to enhance their photos before posting. By the way, this practice was popular even before the world of apps. It is called retouching, and people used to spend hundreds of dollars to edit their photos in order to make them look better.
You have no need to be embarrassed. Just tell your boyfriend that you learned about this tool that can help you look fresher in photos, and you enjoy using it.
If you two have been together for 21 years, it’s amazing that he never noticed it before, but it doesn’t matter. Do not be embarrassed. You haven’t done anything wrong.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
