38-Year-Old Assumed He’d Have Settled Down On Distant Monster-Filled Planet By Now
WAITSFIELD, VT—Feeling like a failure upon realizing that he had never even been to space, local 38-year-old Mike Arroyo told reporters Monday that he assumed he would have settled down on a distant monster-filled planet by now. “I dunno, I just figured at this point in my life I’d be fighting off grotesque,…