In the immediate aftermath of Tuesday night’s election results, conservatives have been stumbling around like that soldier in the opening scene of “Saving Private Ryan” who keeps looking for his arm on the beach. But it appears they’ve finally zeroed in on a strategy to stanch the new waves of truculent young voters who keep insisting on securing their reproductive freedom: Somehow, some way, they must stop Taylor Swift.
Of course, they can’t be losing because their ideas are deeply unpopular. It must be some sort of deus ex machina that piggybacked in on a Jewish space laser. And so they’ve decided to blame a pop star. And, hey, considering the pop star, they do kind of have a point.
Maybe Swift should start dating George Soros. Not only would that make for an awesome pop song somewhere down the line—and no doubt a catchy portmanteau (Swiftos? Gaylor? Teorge?)—Republicans could also put all their excuses in one (admittedly kind of gross) bucket.
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