Screenshot/TikTok - @answeranxiety
A clinical psychologist's recent video guide on how to break up with a friend has been heavily criticized on TikTok by people who said it was a condescending way to end a relationship.
On Thursday, Dr. Arianna Brandolini responded to the backlash, telling Insider she didn't expect to receive so much "vitriol" over it, but she's glad it's sparking a conversation about these awkward and complicated these situations can be.
In the original video posted on Tuesday, Brandolini acted out a scenario where someone told their friend that the relationship wasn't working out. She played both roles.
"I've treasured our season of friendship, but we're moving in different directions in life," Brandolini said as the friend initiating the breakup. "I don't have the capacity to invest in our friendship any longer."
"I get that it might be hard to understand, but I've been reevaluating many areas of my life recently, including my ability to be a good friend to you," Brandolini continued.
The language in her template responses, particularly the phrase "season of friendship," was heavily criticized in the comments. Some viewers called it callous, while others thought it mirrored the kind of empty platitudes often found in corporate jargon.
One commenter said they'd "rather be ghosted" than be on the receiving end of this breakup script, while another TikTok user thought the language Brandolini used was "more hurtful than letting it phase out."
"This would ruin me," a user wrote. "Absolutely never say this to anyone."
The video has amassed over 265,000 views on TikTok so far, and a repost of it on Twitter has over 1.3 million views. All of the top comments on both platforms are negative.
Brandolini told Insider that the strong adverse reaction to it has been surprising. She explained that the video was meant to be impersonal, or simply a template with quick pointers.
"The vitriol has been quite surprising, though I get that you might not like my language or agree with me on how to approach ending a friendship," she said in a statement over email.
"While I didn't expect it to go viral in this way, I'm glad it's sparking conversation and debate about the subject," she said. "I've seen comments on how people wish this were talked about more because it's something most of us experience and seldom know how to cope."
Brandolini had also shared a follow-up TikTok replying to one of the most-liked negative comments on her first video. She said she wanted to provide more context, and reiterated that the first video was to give viewers a bit of phraseology and that they can use their own words too.
She added that it was OK to sound like a robot since the friend instigating the breakup needed to protect their peace.
"A lot of you are commenting that this is very corporate, and the idea is that if you're breaking up a toxic friendship and you've already had these conversations, it can actually be corporate and that's okay," she said. "You don't have to spend a lot of energy explaining yourself and having the other person understand if you've already done that."
Brandolini's update video was still criticized by some commenters who maintained that her verbiage was the wrong way to end a relationship. She's since turned comments off.
As Brandolini noted, there are different methods for ending a friendship. And there is no right or wrong way. Malika Bhowmik, a mental health psychotherapist, told Vice in 2018 that the best way to execute a breakup is to start off positively and tell the friend how much they've meant to you, and then talk about the issue in the relationship. Bhowmik advised giving the recipient of the breakup an opportunity to talk about how they're feeling, too, and have the whole situation be a chance for mutual healing.
Despite this backlash, reactions to Brandolini's TikTok channel — where she shares videos on how to express boundaries in relationships and get over a breakup, among other advice-oriented content — have largely been agreeable.
