Restaurant review: Skyloft at Crossgates Mall

Let's cut to the chase: Skyloft, the music venue and smokehouse restaurant that took over Rascal's upper-level spot in Crossgates Mall, has an impressive band lineup. The sibling of Skyloft OC in Laguna Beach, Calif., is connected through owner Ivan Spiers to Daryl's House Club in Pawling, Dutchess County, which he co-owns with Daryl Hall of Hall & Oates. Got it?

So when I tell you Hall's talent agent, Pat Ryan, is booking national acts like Ratt, Loverboy, The Wailers and The English Beat for Skyloft Albany, and stellar cover bands serving up Led Zeppelin, Journey and INXS, you'll understand the draw. Perhaps more importantly, Skyloft offers a club show, not a seated auditorium, so the floor crowd can stand, dance and drink within feet of the stage. If you're over 40 — or under 40 but into the rock, reggae and R&B of the '70s, '80s and '90s — there's good reason to drop $10 to $70 on an Eventbrite ticket and head to the mall.

Unfortunately, I'm not a music critic but a restaurant reviewer, and I can find few reasons to spend more cash in the place. Despite the earnest efforts of undertrained staff and a management team sporting ear wires like Secret Service agents, the lunatics are running the asylum. Dinner is such a start-to-finish sh-t show, I'm tempted to recommend the bands, beer, a shared rack of ribs, and leave it there.

Instead, I've come up with something more useful: A navigational guide to dining at Skyloft:

1. Come prepared with readers or camera light because eight-point type in pale blue ink is only slightly less decipherable on a menu than magic ink visible only by black light.

2. Gather as many clipboard menus as you can. You are likely in possession of three versions, so confirm which is current and donate the rest to unsuspecting arrivals.

3. Skip cocktails. It doesn't matter that the...