- A real American could joke about everything in the world but not about money, - assured Russian iconic writers Ilf and Petrov on the pages of their famous book One-storey America.
Eighty years later the presidential campaign in the USA shows that the US citizens dont find it funny at all. But its not about money. They havent yet had such complicated White House candidates. Having heard enough complaints about having to choose the lesser of two evils from Americans as well as having read compromising information on both of them in the local press, Im knocking on Vladimir Zhirinovskys office door several days before the X-hour. Who is compared to Donald Trump both in Russia and in the USA and whose forecasts tend to come true? Thats why I came.
Phantom voters was a phenomenon that US took from Russia
- Vladimir Volfovich, people in the hesitant states, whose votes could be decisive, complained to me that they dont like either of the candidates. Should we feel sorry for them or is there still a choice?
- There is a choice! The candidates are very different! Complete opposites!
- Hilllary Clinton is a convenient candidate approved by the state elite
- At first, Bill had connections with the world financial elite, and now his wife does. As to Donald Trump, he is independent, thats why everybody is attacking him. The old school elite gave a command for attack. This reminds me of the first presidential election in Russia: six candidates, five of them are arranged and me. Not connected to any party, independent, uncoordinated... US needs Trump! If Hillarys victory is declared, then it means that the election has been rigged!
- ?!
- US citizens are ready and willing to vote for Trump, he is having the overwhelming majority in a number of states. And the media are lying, they are psychologically preparing people for vote rigging and thus are forging Hillarys victory. At the debates where she is present cell phones are forbidden in order not to provoke her fits! Personally, I think that Trump is going to win. Americans are independent people, one cant trick them into doing something they dont want. They may vote If the TV channels and the elite are against Trump, ordinary citizens are likely to vote for him. Well congratulate him on November 9!
- He is very anxious about millions of phantom voters ...
- Of course, this phenomenon has existed for quite a while! Theyve taken it from us! In Eltsyns time there were also quite a lot of phantom voters!
Nobody expected him. Like me
- I personally noticed that you are often compared to the Republican candidate in the USA as well, you are called Russian Trump, American journalists admitted that they cant help writing about the creative and charismatic Trump, just as we cant help writing about you. Moreover, Ive discovered your portrait of year 1993 on the wall of the Ohio State University. We dont know who hanged it there, we appeared here later than it did, I heard from confused staff of the university. But do you personally see the similarities between you and Trump?
- Firstly, the fact that he appeared out of sudden. Nobody expected him. He made his claim to power himself, just like I did. Absolute independence and his own technology of conducting the election campaign. He didnt engage image makers and didnt hire puppet masters. He is doing everything on his own! Theres only one difference between us – I wasnt a billionaire. We both speak without relying on notes. We both have fight against migrants as part of our political program. And this is something that many people sympathize with. The terror problem – he correctly defines that this is the Islamic world. 90% of terrorist attacks are committed by people from Muslim countries. As to what he was saying about women – this is just everyday talk in the mens changing room all over the world! Many women also call men jerks, but this is just a figure of speech. In the Russian language there is an expression I will tear your head off. But in fact nobody is going to do it! Or Youve harassed me! It just means that one is fed up with somebody! The same thing here. He said this in a purely male company. Trump has a good attitude towards women. Try to understand this, this is the election for the position of head of the country, which is currently in the state of war, leaving the political Olympus, the most dangerous time for the USA! People must think about this and not about the changing room talk! He is 70, by the way, we are the same age, and this also brings us closer to each other. We are the post-war generation, we were conceived in 1945, when the whole planet was celebrating the end of the war. The age of seventy means wisdom!
Whose compromising information is more dangerous
- All the compromising information on Trump has to do with women. This is not even infidelity, rather attempts or vulgar expressions. At the same time WikiLeaks accuses Hillary of far more serious things. Out of the fresh ones: confession of Hillarys assistant that Hillary is still having problems with her head
- Yes, I said that she has Parkinson symptoms!
- And which damaging information is more essential for the American voters?
- When a person is having health issues, physical problems, people feel sorry for them. But moral behavior unfortunately plays a big role in deciding on who to vote for. Roosevelt was on the wheelchair but he was elected thrice. And Kennedys brothers car fell into the river, and a secretary was sitting in the car. That was it that must have been his lover, his career was ruined. Unfortunately, in the USA it prevails, but this is absolutely wrong. The key factor is a candidates business qualities. There is an enormous amount of damaging information on Hillary. Working with secret documents from a personal account, attitude towards terrorists, towards Gaddafi! She committed a heap of mistakes. She also spoiled the US relationship with Russia. The US State Department in 2009 wasnt even able to write the word reloading correctly. Their overloading became symbolic. This is how things turned out to be – the relationship between our two countries was overloaded...
Hillarys a Joker, Trump is an Ace
Why did Russia become virtually the main card in the US run for presidency? Do the candidates have nothing else to argue about? – I am putting the US card pack in support of Trump on the table in front of Zhirinovsky.
I would have brought a card in support of Clinton as well but sadly someone in our newsroom played it away. As to the Trump card pack, Trump is both a King and an Ace, there is also a place for Vladimir Putin, Xi Tsinpin and even the Pope in it.
- Oh! Hillary is a Joker, Obama is a Two with an inscription He cant be worth than me. So Obama is worse than Trump. Theres a good political meaning here. Putin is a strong world leader, great! Netanjahu is here, and the Pope. Too bad that I am not in this card pack yet. Otherwise, a good form of campaigning. – Zhirinovsky is shuffling the cards. – And Russia is the main card because there is no other subject to call for discussion. Russia is the leading country on the agenda. It is in vogue. In 2007 everything began, and by 2016 we have become a nation that is solving the global issues. There are 4 centers (of power) in the world: Washington, Brussels, Moscow and Beijing. Three of them are looking at the Kremlin. Russia restored its former power, so they are dealing with the Russia card. They wouldnt be able to win over each other based on taxes and other domestic issues. Clinton calls her opponent a Putins puppet even though they dont even know each other personally. And Trump reminds her of the mistakes in her foreign policy.
Box of champagne for Komsomolskaya Pravda
- If Trump wins the election, what should the world on the whole and we in particular expect?
- He wouldnt hug and kiss us but he would come to an agreement with Russia on Syria, suppress the militants and restore the borders of Syria and Iraq. Donbass and Lugansk would become a part of Pridnestrovie. These areas might still not be recognized but at least the Kiev army, oppressors, would no longer dare do what they will there. Regarding the sanctions against Russia, all of them would have been lifted by the end of 2018. Trump would start directing the USA towards its domestic problems and leave the European and especially the Asian continent. If he wins, we are drinking champagne on November 9! I am going to send a box of champagne to Komsomolskaya Pravda
- When I spoke to local Republican leaders in different states, some of them said that Trump wouldnt be able to recognize Crimea as a Russian territory – the Congress wouldnt allow this, but the others, on the contrary, believed that he would be able to agree on key issues with both sides. What do you think?
- He would recognise Crimea! It is beneficial. He is a billionaire and he can count money. Trump would save on military expenses and close the gaps in the US social problems. Americans would live better, and the situation in the world would become safer/less turbulent.
- And what if Hillary still wins? Our newspaper will not get champagne, thats clear, but what else?
- In half a year she would retire due to her health issues. And her vice-president Tim Cane would become president. She simply wouldnt cope with it. The first three to four months, thats all. Fainting, fits, hospitals.
Ukraine would keep on crumbling
- Vladimir Volfovich didnt tell future on cards – he preferred just to give a forecast for the next five years. There would be no new conflicts. The Syrian issue is the last one. It wouldnt be possible to destroy Iran. An attempt to relocate the militants to the Middle Asia would also fail, as well as an attempt to inflame the South Caucasus. The forecast on Ukraine – the Europeans would agree with the status of Pridnestrovie, OSCE would locate its forces on the inner border of the DNR and LNR. On the other side, there would be the Russian border patrol. The Ukrainian conflict would be resolved but the country would keep on crumbling. There would be rebellions in the Kharkov, Kherson, Odessa, Nikolaev and Dnepropetrovsk areas – during five years the Russian world area up to Tiraspol would make attempts to join Russia. A part of the Ukrainian western territories would go back to Poland. Kiev, Zhitomir, Vinnitsa, Kirovograd – Ukraine would become that small. Like Slovakia. And Russia would eventually assert its place as a great power, which would have an impact on the outcome of all the global problems, gave us hope the future-teller.
- By the way, the clock in your reception room shows the time in Kostopol. Its not for nothing, is it? Are you considering returning to Ukraine for the furniture factory of your grandfather?
- Yes, the lawyers have been working on this for 10 years already! My grandfather built it in 1905. Some arrange rebellions, like Zyuganovs (the Communist party leader) predecessors and others build factories, - Zhirinovsky said with a sigh. He became gloomy for a moment and then brightened again, after getting a Trump T-shirt as a farewell gift.
- Donald, good luck to you! We are waiting for November 9! Your victory will become a holiday for the whole world! – he recorded a video clip in English for the Republican candidate and gave me another promise in case of his victory. – I will wear the Trump T-shirt on November 9 at work!
