Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears; I come to bury Jono, not to praise him … sorry, what? He’s actually still alive? Miraculously, Jono proves to be immortal and survives another week. But first, Medicane Daniel sends Aesha, Nathan, and the guests back to the boat, where they’re stuck indoors. I notice there are no welcome-back drinks ready for them, which seems indicative of how Aesha has to do everything for her team. She single-handedly entertains the guests by improvising a wine tasting, which is really just a pretentious way of saying “drinking a lot of wine.”
Tonight’s theme is merpeople, so Jono decides seafood is the move. This feels borderline cannibalistic to me. Ariel would never eat Sebastian or Flounder, right? Although one of their merman costumes includes a set of rubber balls dangling by the ankles, so I don’t think anyone’s thinking too deeply about it. On brand as always, Aesha loves the gag. She says anyone who knows her well knows that she loves balls. That’s a great set-up for a misdirection joke that she loves basketballs, but no, she loves her fiancé Scott’s balls. I really did not need to know this.
During dinner, I’m on the edge of my seat as Jono serves tuna carpaccio to everyone, knowing full well that Jennifer doesn’t eat raw seafood. Jennifer is insanely chill about this and even says it looks beautiful. One of the other guests asks, “Why can’t you eat it?” To which she goes, “It could kill me,” and laughs. Sometimes, all you can do in an uncomfortable situation is laugh. Due to iron overload, also known as hemochromatosis, Jennifer can only eat cooked seafood, and it was on her preference sheet multiple times. This is like a shot to the heart of Jono’s career, and it gets worse: Captain Sandy is the one to check in with the guests and discover the mistake. Now that’s a headshot.
This is a fireable offense that Sandy’s never had happen before. I’m a little surprised that she lets Aesha off scot-free. The chief stew usually double-checks things but is spread too thin and misses it. When Sandy calls Jono out, he hilariously bullshits that some people say when you use a lot of lime, it “cooks” the fish. Sandy: “No. ❤️” She reaches out to Norma at the yacht crew placement agency to look for a new chef who can start ASAP. At least the primary Pamela is too drunk to care about this attempted manslaughter, so it won’t affect the tip. It’s time to cut her off when Aesha feeds her via choo-choo train fork. Pam’s dead eyes show that the train has left the station.
Jono may have had the worst night, but it’s a rough night for everyone in the interior. Bri can’t find her black evening dress, which brings her to tears. Aesha works 18 hours straight — Hello, Bravo? I’d like to report a possible labor law violation — and she still has to remind Ellie to put bar towels away. Ellie doesn’t think nitpicking is a good leadership style, and her crankiness only increases the next morning because she oversleeps. Ellie also accidentally leaves her phone in a guest room. For a second, I thought the guest was going to see something they weren’t supposed to, but the phone itself is a huge no-no. Aesha says she shouldn’t have her phone on her at all while working. Rather than acknowledge that she has room to improve, Ellie thinks she’s being taken for granted. Aesha’s hopeful that a fourth stew will solve all their problems, and now that the leak in the extra crew cabin is fixed, Sandy’s ready to hire one. Aesha is elated by the news. I bet the labor lawyers and accountants handling her overtime are too.
The next day, the weather clears enough to go out to sea for some watersports. Gael and Joe butt heads over where to tie up the jet skis, and Joe thinks it’s because she doesn’t like him telling her what to do. I think it’s because deep down, Joe doesn’t like that she went for Nathan, showed him no interest, and can see right through how he’s leading the stews on. In the same vein, I doubt he’d be so nice about Bri missing one of his polo shirts if he didn’t still want to sleep with her. For her part, Bri tries to keep her distance from Joe and resist temptation by picturing him as an old man. Is it the eyebrows, or is anyone else picturing Joe as Carl from Up?
The Mustique heads back to the marina for the evening to celebrate Janie and Steve’s 25th anniversary with a black and white theme and fireworks. Aware that his job is on life support, Jono double-checks the preference sheets for dinner and makes sure everything is cooked for Jennifer. His calamari octopus and king crab bruschetta go over well, but the dessert is a disappointment. Evidently, Jono should’ve triple-checked their requests because they were hoping for a creme brulée or soufflé. Instead, he put ice cream on a cookie on a slice of cake. Honestly, I’d eat it in a heartbeat, but Aesha and Janie deem it not anniversary worthy. If the tuna got him fired, the cookie was the nail in his coffin. Or should we say the cardamom in his Mexican food? Jono’s more deflated than a botched soufflé.
Yet, Jono rises from the dead to make beignets for breakfast. It seems like they’re a last gasp for air since Sandy calls Jono to the bridge after the charter, prepared to fire him. Except, Norma can’t find a chef available right now. Jono’s hand bursts out of the ground: he lives! Sandy asks why he went with a cookie, and he admits it was easier after a challenging dinner. For now, Sandy would rather have a subpar chef than no chef, not wanting a repeat of season six’s Matthew debacle. As a viewer, I would love to see the crew try to cook, but I understand the decision. And forget the aftershow; give Norma at the placement agency her own spinoff.
At the tip meeting, Sandy commends the crew for bringing the energy despite being stuck at port. They’re rewarded with $25,000; even better, the new stew will join today. Joe is too keen about this news, whereas Ellie is pout city. Aesha kicks off a cabin shuffle: Iain will take the solo cabin, Bri will move in with Jono, Gael will move back with Aesha, and the new girl will bunk with Ellie. She’s like a little kid who just got told they’re going to be a big sister and is pissed about it. I’m looking forward to Ellie’s reaction when she sees that the new stew is a blonde in a unitard. That’s basically Ellie’s whole thing!
