In today’s news that’s not fit to print but is absolutely fit to be read aloud by Cary Dubek, “Chick-fil-A, known for its fried-chicken sandwiches” is launching its own streaming service “to create family-friendly shows, particularly in the unscripted space.” How fabulous! In a searing exclusive, Deadline reports that the restaurant chain will budget its unscripted series at $400,000 per half-hour episode, and it is also looking to develop scripted and animated series as well as license and acquire content. The Chick-fil-A streaming service’s slate of programming already includes a ten-piece episode order for a family-friendly game show from the production company that brought you 13 Reasons Why, which is a remarkable coincidence, because this news is probably the 13th reason for anyone worried about the state of the industry.
If Chick-fil-A is known for anything besides its chicken, it is probably the company’s long-standing institutional opposition to advancements in LGBTQ+ rights. In the years leading up to Obergefell v. Hodges, Chick-fil-A frequently made headlines for its donations to organizations that opposed gay marriage and supported conversion therapy and president Dan Cathy’s “guilty as charged” opposition to same-sex marriage. Although the company has ceased direct donations to these discriminatory organizations, its discriminatory reputation persists and extends beyond homophobia, as Texas’s steps toward banning abortion were paved with the state’s 2019 “Save Chick-fil-A” bill.
With the company still touting its “biblical principles” and stating that its corporate purpose is “to glorify God,” its definition of “family-friendly” programming might end up being more fundamentalist than one would expect from a fast-food company’s streaming service. With these values in mind, I asked nearby deskmates New York senior social-media editor Zach Schiffman and Vulture critic Jackson McHenry if they had any unscripted pitches for the network. McHenry suggested “Straight Eye for the Queer Guy” and “Christian Shop Date,” tying in the chicken theme.
“They should do a show called ‘Don’t Kiss,’ where they put a bunch of gay guys in a Chick-fil-A and they make money if they don’t kiss,” Schiffman pitched. He also suggested “a prank show where instead of saying your order into the drive-thru, you say a Bible verse.” Candace Cameron Bure might actually get an Emmy for once as the host of a Chick-fil-A-Plus original, “Don’t Kiss.”
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