*David Beckham voice* Be honest … Is there anything more thrilling in this life than finding out that one of your friends secretly has beef with someone you never suspected? Picture it: You’re sitting on the couch talking over the TV when you casually mention a shared acquaintance you considered innocuous. All of a sudden, she blurts out, “I can’t stand that girl!” Suddenly, the universe is reconfiguring itself before you. This is as close as you’ll ever get to peeking inside the Matrix, and more importantly, you’ve opened up a new gossip portal that could transport you both to a higher plane of mutually petty understanding.
That’s how I felt at first while watching this week’s batch of Love Is Blind: Mexico, when Fernanda skipped out on Silvi’s birthday party because she’s “fucking had it up to here” with her. But then the show left us all hanging by failing to answer the most obvious question: What the hell did Silvi do?
Before I get ahead of myself, let’s close out the tab on last week’s honeymoons — specifically, Leti and Saúl’s toxic tug-of-war over physical intimacy. As we saw, Leti’s not ready to be physically affectionate beyond kissing, and Saúl apparently thinks that the best way to process that is to stop just short of directly calling her frigid in front of their friends. Obviously, no man should behave this way, but what makes this even more astounding is that Saúl has a teenage daughter. So much for the self-aware girl dad. In a move that will surely surprise no one, Leti ditches Saúl just moments after they roll their suitcases into what’s supposed to be their new apartment. Good riddance!
Now, for that long-simmering beef we all sniffed out: When the surviving couples move into their new digs and finally unbox their phones, Karen discovers that she’s got a notification from Iraís, who we all remember congratulated her on getting exclusive with Fernando before immediately trying to steal him away. Hmmm …
Iraís gave off suspicious vibes from the start, and while I don’t think she plans to steal Fernando (if she did, why message Karen and not him?), her return still smells funky. This week, she reconnects with René after their disastrous face-to-face meeting to explain why she got them both sent home. You see, she was feeling overwhelmed, so she couldn’t give him everything she wanted in that moment. Never mind that she told producers behind René’s back that he looks like “a drunk.” Because René is a beautiful person who sucks at reading the room, he takes Iraís back immediately — at which point she gushes to producers about how “handsome” she suddenly thinks he is.
“He dresses so well,” she says as her nose slowly stretches out in front of her face. “I love his eyes. I love his jawline. The way he walks …” — [the cameraman steps back as her nose begins to prod his lens] — “… his facial expression. His hair. The way he smells. I love everything about him.” Meanwhile, I can’t help but notice that René’s nose ring — the one Iraís explicitly told producers she hated — is suddenly gone. Good luck, babes!
One person who’s not going to let this go is Karen. When Iraís has the nerve to show up at a cast rooftop barbecue with René, Karen goes off and says it’s surprising to see them getting along so well even though he was clearly her second pick. In a move that would make Tim Walz proud, she also labels René’s whole situation “weird.” Iraís, of course, straight-up lies and says that she had already sent Fernando the gifts before she found out he was with Karen.
What is it about Iraís? At every turn, she’s manipulated situations for her own benefit. First, she turned everyone against Rocío last week. Then, she played the bigger person when Karen said she and Fernando were exclusive, only to stab her in the back. Now, she’s twisting her relationship timeline to beat the allegations that she’s not a “girl’s girl.” She’ll pay for all of this during the reunion when producers inevitably roll the tape and expose her.
Fernando doesn’t love how forceful Karen is in confronting René and Iraís, and she does at least apologize to René in the end, but in fairness, pretty much everything she said was true. All of that said, I still think Karen and Fernando will say “I do” in the end. They’re that chaotic couple that shouldn’t work but totally does. He finally meets her daughter, Emi, this week, and she likes him enough to give him a friendship bracelet. In tween-girl world, that means you’re in the club. The mom meetings go just as well, and apparently, Karen and Fernando also have some business plans together. As long as Iraís stays far away from them, I’m guessing they’ll be just fine.
The same cannot be said, I’m afraid, for Willy and Francesca. I swear I haven’t forgotten about them, although I wish I could. Willy is one of the worst archetypes in the dating world — someone who boldly declares love and then panics because he doesn’t know what he wants. His own sisters think he’s too obsessed with what his parents think, and he calls himself a “paper boat” who follows the wind. I’d just love for a stiff breeze to blow him off my screen forever. I tried to curb my suspicions early on, but that was before Willy tried to dump Francesca, only to take it back and say he’d see how they felt tomorrow. “Willy needs space,” Francesca says with the patience of a saint. “He doesn’t need me bothering him with questions.” Yuck!!! Francesca, you deserve better, and so does your daughter, Mila.
Meanwhile, my former favorite couple, Chema and Silvi, are tanking in the rankings — mostly because Chema, a professional poker player, finally showed his hand. For so long, I forgave Chema’s self-centered tendencies because he seemed invested in creating a meaningful partnership with Silvi. Yes, Alejandra was also in the mix during the pods, but as Chema and Silvi bonded over the things they have in common — like the devastating losses of their fathers — I saw something beautiful growing.
Then Chema declared in front of everyone at Silvi’s own birthday party that his first thoughts upon seeing her at the reveal were that he didn’t like her dress or her fake eyelashes. Now, I’m here to say Fuck. That. Guy.
When called out, he whined that the women and their silly lady brains had gotten all hysterical over something “out of context.” He apologized multiple times and gave Silvi a “genuine,” passionless-looking kiss, and she claims they’re all good, but we (Chema and I) will never be good again. Never trust a professional poker player, and especially one who keeps a pile of money under a whale statue in his home. (Seriously, what the hell was that? Send Rachel Coster and the “Boy Room” squad over to investigate immediately!) To make matters more infuriating, Chema’s mom has the audacity to say that Silvi’s modeling is not a “serious profession” when her own son is a goddamned — say it with me — PROFESSIONAL POKER PLAYER!!!!! I am royally ready to flush this man and his mother down the toilet.
Appropriately for a Sagittarius (sorry, but y’all know this is true), Silvi’s birthday is drama central — and not just because of Leti’s extremely disappointing confession that she’s reunited with Saúl. Beyond her apparent distaste for Silvi, which goes infuriatingly unexplained, Fernanda skips out because she’s convinced no one likes her and that they only tolerate her — which is both relatable and heartbreaking because it doesn’t seem true. Fernanda’s confident façade has begun to crumble as she and Gerardo cohabitate, and while Gerardo suspects she has abandonment trauma, he can’t quite figure out its source, especially because both Fernanda and her family avoid talking about her father’s death. At the same time, Fernanda continues to show maturity when Gerardo tells her that Mafur, who also fell for him in the pods, chatted him up at Silvi’s party. In the U.S. version, this would have sparked a serious shouting match, but Fernanda takes it in stride and reaffirms that Mafur is a cool chick. I’m really hoping that these two make it (especially after Gerardo showed up to meet Fernanda’s mom with a whole cake!), but if she can’t open up about her dad, I’m not sure they will.
Sadly, the couple I’m most certain will say yes is René and Iraís. She clearly wants a wedding, and he’s living proof that love really is blind. His family seems to resent both the experiment and Iraís (it’s never a good sign when your sister volunteers to be your divorce lawyer in front of your betrothed), but none of that seems to matter. Iraís’s face lit up when she tried on that big, poofy princess wedding gown, and René seems gung ho to be her prince charming. I’m calling it now: They’re going to get hitched and then break up before the reunion. That said, one last note on René and his family: It’s a bold, bold man who tells his grandchild-hungry father that he’s had a vasectomy while a reality film crew’s cameras are rolling.
Speaking of snipping, I think we’ll cut things here for now. But see you next week, as we all take bets on how shittily Chema will handle finally meeting Alejandra face-to-face. Once more for the people in the back: Fuck that guy.
Pod Goss
• Does anyone else find it strange that many of these couples are heading to the altar without having lived with each other’s kids? I understand that we must protect children’s innocence from reality TV, but how can you merge lives with someone without having really gotten to know their offspring?
• Honestly, the thing that worries me most about Fernanda and Gerardo is their disagreement about how to treat their dogs. He wants them outdoors only, and she wants them inside with the family. She’s right and she should say it, but if he doesn’t come around, someone will end up in the doghouse. (Sorry.)
• Did y’all hear René say during his suit fitting that his longtime friend is also his “therapist”? It was probably a joke, but still, didn’t Carrie Bradshaw already show us the perils that befall anyone who seeks therapy only from their friends?
