John Mulaney is reportedly not hosting the 2025 Oscars, which is notable because WHYYYYY DEAR GOD WHYYYYY.
In W.W. Jacobs’s 1902 story “The Monkey’s Paw,” the titular paw grants wishes, but they come with horrible punishments for having altered fate. Clearly, this was not just a story, because the current rumor mill is saying that John Mulaney will be making more Everybody’s in L.A. but will not complete his destiny of hosting the 2025 Oscars, which seemed honestly predetermined. Puck reported on July 30 that Mulaney turned down the Oscars-hosting gig because of his busy schedule — a schedule that “probably” includes more of his loopy oddity of a talk show. Look: We love that weirdo talk show so much. So much. But we’ve gotta assume that whoever wished for more didn’t realize the unintended consequences, because after his hosting gig at the Governors Awards and his actually good bit as a presenter, Mulaney hosting the Oscars was penciled in by everybody who cares. Now, back to the drawing board.
One person who will not be stepping in is Jimmy Kimmel, who hosted for the fourth time this year and is officially done, per Puck. The 2025 Oscars are scheduled for March 2 at the Dolby Theatre. And everybody knows the ideal host is the Only Murders trio, but if we’re being honest, the threesome we actually want to see is the stars of Challengers. Put the boys in slutty shorts and Zendaya in a gown and watch the ratings roll in.
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