Well, okay, Evil, pop all the way off. It’s not like this season hasn’t been preparing us for the big storm, but this Category 5 Hurricane Lucy (like … Lucifer?) and tornado-ridden superstorm isn’t a regular superstorm, it’s Satan’s Superstorm; at least, that’s what all the demons attacking Sister Andrea in the Bouchard backyard tell her as she tries to protect that family once again (she’s fine). And while the storm itself is wild, what it mostly does is provide the perfect backdrop, full of relentless danger, for a whole bunch of shenanigans to go down. Because those other things Evil has been preparing us for all season — Sheryl versus Leland, David’s growing remote viewing power — come to a head in “How to Survive a Storm,” as well. And, friends, none of it is pretty.
One of the many things I love about this episode is that Leland’s brand of evil has been on the goofier side for a while now. He’s been clumsy. He’s been sort of a joke — or, at least, taking some real missteps. But it’s as if that guy ate that demon’s heart and snapped right on out of it. Here, we are reminded just how terrifying Leland (and Michael Emerson) can be. That “Hello, David” when we realize he has turned David’s remote viewing power on our beloved priest? Chilling! I will carry it with me for weeks!
Yep, you read that right: Leland hijacks David’s remote viewing. Let’s set the stage a bit. While riding out the storm at home, the Bouchard girls hear a boy calling for help through their bedroom vent — he’s trapped in the house next door. Remember that Kristen informed us her neighbor recently moved and the house is empty and up for sale. The girls can’t help themselves but break in next door … only to learn that it’s all a setup. The voice they’re hearing is coming from a phone set next to the vent upstairs in the empty house. They end up escaping unscathed — although Lexis does come into pretty close contact with a demon — only to face the wrath of their mother, who now has to go next door, introduce herself to the new neighbor, and apologize by way of one of her faux-homemade cakes (I really need to know how often she’s buying those things), all in the middle of the raging storm, no less. But surprise, surprise, what could be a simple awkward but friendly encounter turns out to be much more because who should open the door next to the Bouchards’ but Leland Townsend.
Kristen smashes his face with that cake and slaps the guy multiple times, but he is reveling in it. “You have no idea how hard this is making me right now,” he tells her. Another line of Leland’s that I will carry with me long after this episode is over. There is one silver lining to the whole thing: Thanks to a new coordinate provided by the Entity, or, excuse me, the Friends of the Vatican, David is remote-viewing into Leland’s new home the very moment this interaction with Kristen is taking place. He and Ben rush over to the Bouchard house to make sure they’re okay because they are the best friends a gal could ask for.
The Bouchards are okay. Part of that is thanks to an earlier run-in Kristen had with Sheryl, who is showing up places like the grocery store incognito as she remains on the run from the demon goons Leland has sent after her since seizing power at DF. The demons now wear human skin suits they can peel off, which is a fun and not at-all-nauseating development for everyone. She warns Kristen about Leland, tells her that she and the girls are what’s most important to her, and hands her daughter a bag of stun guns, as mothers so often do. So the girls are all stocked up while Kristen waits for the courts to reopen after the storm and get another restraining order against Leland.
But that’s not enough for Ben and David, who both decide to help out in their own special ways. Ben — whose anti-jinn fedora might be growing on me … Aasif Mandvi has the charisma to pull it off, and that’s just facts — knows exactly how to back up the sewage lines that connect Kristen’s duplex and flood Leland’s house with copious amounts of shit. David faces a moral quandary: Even though he’s been warned extensively by Father Dominic not to “step into” Leland, David knows he could do it and potentially have Leland kill himself, protecting Kristen and her daughters in the most permanent of ways. And yet, murder is bad. A sin, even. He presents this predicament to Father Ignatius, who remains the absolute fucking best.
Father Ignatius is so open and vulnerable with David. He tells him that he isn’t sure what he believes anymore, that he doesn’t feel anything when he prays, but one thing he knows in his heart to be true is John 15:13: “Greater love hath no man than laying down his life for his friends.” God may not forgive David, and he might lose his soul in order to do it, but if Father Ignatius could’ve prevented Matt’s death, even if it meant killing someone, he would do it. Of course he would do it. And David describes Kristen as someone he cares “deeply” about (it gives me the tinglies, and I’m owning that), so he’s going to do it. Of course he’s going to do it.
It backfires spectacularly! This sequence is done so well. From the just-a-little-overly-dramatic music (compliment) that plays while David attempts and fails multiple times to have Leland kill himself (the bleach would’ve been particularly gruesome) to the subtle reveal that Leland is very much in control here makes the whole thing wildly unsettling. I mean, for a moment you really think Leland just might get David to push that knife into his chest. Thank God (maybe literally?) for poop. No, really. Ben’s sewage plan kicks in as David is about to stab himself right in the heart, distracting Leland just enough that he loses concentration. The connection is lost for the moment. But Father Dominic has a big ol’ surprise for David: It turns out Leland was once a priest, training for ten years to become a “Friend of the Vatican,” and he is powerful. Dominic taught him everything he knows, and now that David has stepped into him, Leland has a direct channel into David whenever he wants. Call me crazy, ol’ Dommy boy, but that seems like information that would’ve been helpful from the very beginning. I guess he was too busy not remembering victims’ names to inform David of this crucial piece of info. What a clown.
It’s fine. Team Assessor will fix this mess. It involves tying David down to a chair and flooding Leland with marching-band music to remind him of his traumatic high-school experience (a fun shout-out to season one). It also involves David-as-Leland telling Kristen to fuck him, which is complicated but also I do not hate it and that’s just something I’m going to need to work out on my own. Leland does not know he’s fanning the flames of some top-notch sexual tension over at the Bouchard house. Regardless, Leland has been thwarted for the time being. He escapes to his old apartment, and because the storm has really picked up and debris is flying through windows, the assessors, the four Bouchard girls, and Sister Andrea all wait out the storm in Kristen’s bathroom.
As if I’m not going to talk about the Bathtub Conversation. Amid demons and skin suits and this episode’s big good-bye, which we’ll get to, the Bathtub Conversation is really all I can think about. Throughout this entire storm, David’s been forced to confront just how much he cares about Kristen — how much he needs to keep her safe, that awkward moment of tension when Leland was in the driver’s seat — and after what must be hours in the bathroom together, during a quiet moment, when it’s just the two of them awake, David looks at Kristen and says, “I wish I had two lives: one for God and one for you.” Her response? “I wish I had two lives: both for you.” I MEAN, COME ON. I feel for Andy, but the way these two are tragically so drawn to one another and know they can never be is the secret sauce of this show. Ben’s perfectly timed “What about me?” is the perfect button to the moment, too. Once again, it’s these very complicated, compelling human interests that ground this wild-ass show.
The quietness of that moment doesn’t last long. The storm ends and the group finally gets out of the bathroom, but the relief is short-lived: Kristen gets a call from the hospital — Sheryl fell four stories from her balcony and she’s dying.
Oh, Sheryl. Sheryl! Your arc was confusing and murky at times, but I’m so glad you got a little redemption in the end. One thing was always clear: She would do anything to keep her daughter and granddaughters safe. After a wild chase from a human-skin-suited demon in the DF offices — with Kurt checking up on her after a distressed Kristen calls him for help, there to witness the insanity — Sheryl heads to Leland’s. She laces his remaining demon/immortal fluid with drugs to, if not kill him, at least poison him enough to seriously hurt him. As she stands above him while he foams at the mouth, choking, it looks like she might finally end this thing once and for all. But then one of Leland’s demon goons saves his ass one more time, knocking Sheryl out cold. The next thing we know, she’s being rushed to the hospital with internal injuries that she’ll never recover from — her Nardos bulletproof designer wardrobe was good, but not this good.
Sheryl gets a teary good-bye scene with her granddaughters, but perhaps the most moving moment is when Kristen — who admits to how complicated this is given the current status of her relationship with her mother — brings David in to perform last rites if Sheryl wants them. She can’t really speak, but in a nice tie to their scene together in the confessional box not long ago, David reminds her that God forgives her and prays for her as she finally takes her last breath.
In true Sheryl fashion, she might be dead, but she’s not done terrorizing Leland. She left two envelopes, one for Kristen and one for Andy, with Boggs to deliver. I cannot wait to see what’s in Andy’s, but Kristen’s contains a flash drive with enough video evidence about what Leland is up to with his hostage closet to have him arrested. There’s no way this sticks — he’s said before that he has a lot of demon pals in high places — but it’s a nice wrinkle.
And yet, does anyone feel like Leland might still have the last laugh here? When he’s arrested, it means little Timothy either has to be put in foster care or in the care of his bio mom, and it’s up to Kristen to make that decision. And isn’t that what Leland has been after all season? To have Kristen bond with Timothy?
Church Bulletin
• I’m sorry, but how sweet was Kurt Boggs telling Sheryl that it’s nice talking to her and he’d like to do it some more? I mean, now she’s dead and any shipping hopes we might have had are too, but still, how lovely!
• It wasn’t subtle, but just in case you missed it: It feels telling that while the three other Bouchard girls pray with Sister Andrea in the bathroom, Lexis opts out.
• How did David so easily run around the city during a Category 5 superstorm? I know he’s God’s chosen one and all, but let’s be so for real.
• The running gag of the Bouchard girls ordering an insane amount of toilet paper warms my heart. Where’s the Bob Odenkirk Little Women meme when you need it? They are my little women, guys!!
