Today I woke up to the distressing news that the email inbox of Bridgerton casting director Kelly Valentine Hendry is 90% full of NSFW videos. Before today, I didn’t even know who Kelly Valentine Hendry was; and yet, now I know both her name and her horrific everyday reality (deleting sex tapes between fistfuls of Cheerios, I imagine). In an episode of the podcast Should I Delete That?, she intimated that hopeful actors have been sending her NFSW “audition tapes” in order to score a role on Bridgerton. “I get the most unbelievable videos, unsolicited,” she said. “It’s sex, basically. Not actual sex, but it’s quite punchy the stuff that comes through to me. Not nudie pictures, but not far off. It’s sad really.”
Last time I checked, Bridgerton is not just hardcore porn scored to a string quartet version of “thank u, next!” Yes, the show’s sex gathers the children and reveals a more bodacious side of Regency England, but Bridgerton actors also have to emote. When they’re not completing acts of pressing-digitation, they have to believably utter things like “I burn for you, Colin,” and “This is discrimination; student discounts should apply to former students, too.” Sorry, the second thing is just something I said today which I’m still angry about.
My point is: Don’t send unsolicited NSFW tapes to casting directors, Internet! It’s harassment. Also, here are four other sex-filled shows that you can watch to burn off some steam.
If you haven’t heard of this demented guilty pleasure, then get your life together! The final season is about to drop, bringing an end to this queertabulous teen makeout fest. While the show arguably jumped the shark after Season 1, it still remains the most hilariously ludicrous celebration of young rich Spaniards on television. Closeted bisexual soccer player dating the same guy as his son? Check! Sex-positive YouTuber showing up to math class in a bra and starting fights? Check! A climactic weeknight party at the end of every episode that features a hired DJ and cutting-edge sound system, despite being on a Tuesday and for high schoolers? You bet! Anyway, the show has heaps of sex, in every variety and combination that you can imagine. Watch Elite on Netflix.
My Roman Empire is that scene from True Blood where Alexander Skarsgard makes out with a guy named Talbot, turns him over, and pokes him from behind with a giant … wooden stake, thus murdering him, since he is a vampire. While it’s certainly not the most gory or shocking scene from True Blood, it may be the most memorable one involving sex. However, there are plenty of other sweat-drenched scenes in this show that run the gamut from sweet to carnal. There’s even a citywide orgy administered by a mystical taloned hypnotist. It’s iconic. Watch True Blood on Hulu and Max.
This show opens with a shot of Taylor Schilling and Laura Prepon making out topless in a shower, and doesn’t slow down from there. This is a show set in a prison, after all. Of course, the focus is on the characters and their various tragedies and adventures, but the sex keeps things moving. At one point, Natasha Leggero will make you question your sexuality – and that’s including if you’re already into women. Her 24 karat rizz will inspire you to up your game and hit on the next 200 people you see. Watch Orange is the New Black on Netflix.
Yes, I’m including two Spanish-language series in this short list, because the Mexican telenovela The House of Flowers is full of jaw-dropping sex and deserves a mention! Of course, it’s also hilarious and touching and raw and surreal, as telenovelas are wont to be, but sex is very much part of this show’s DNA. At weddings, at funerals, in bathrooms, at crime scenes … The characters stop at nothing to get caliente with each other. Oh, and I should mention that there’s plenty of queer representation, ensuring that every color of the rainbow is represented. And maybe I should also mention the absolute daddy of the show, Juan Pablo Medina, who is high key serving Gay George Clooney the house down boots. Watch The House of Flowers on Netflix.
