My partner has fallen out of love with me and moved into the spare room

DEAR DEIDRE: MY long-term partner has moved into the spare bedroom because he’s fallen out of love with me. 

He now only sees me as a friend and wants to split, but I don’t understand what I’ve done to make him give up on our relationship.

I’m 36 and he’s 40. We’ve been together for 12 years.

I thought we were so happy and that we’d grow old together. 

Everybody saw us as the perfect couple. We’ve never even had an argument!

There were no signs anything was wrong. We’ve been having sex, talking, laughing, going out – like normal.

So when he suddenly announced that he wasn’t happy and it was over, even though I’d always be his best friend, I was totally blindsided. 

He cried and said it wasn’t what he wanted either, and it was destroying him, but we had to break up.

Afterwards, he held me, and we made love one last time. But it didn’t change his mind.

Now he’s planning to move out into his own flat. I am so confused and I still love him so much. 

I know I need to let him go, but I don’t know how. I don’t want to be alone. 

I never understood why he loved me, as I’m so fat and ugly. Now it feels like I was right all along, and he was too good for me.

DEIDRE SAYS: The sudden end of a long-relationship is devastating, especially if you didn’t see it coming.

It’s like a death –  you’re grieving for what you’ve lost and the future you anticipated. 

Your partner either doesn’t understand why he’s ended your relationship, or doesn’t want to hurt you more by telling you.

But you need closure. 

Perhaps he would agree to some relationship counselling, where you can talk honestly in a safe space.

See my support pack, How Counselling Can Help.

Also read Mending a Broken Heart and Raising Self-Esteem, as it sounds like your confidence is low.