DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband has bought a fancy car to drive around his fancy woman, while bribing me to stay so his family don’t know what he’s been up to.
He’s an out-and-out cheat but wants to maintain the dedicated ‘married man facade’.
We’ve been together for over 10 years.
We haven’t had sex for a couple of months and I thought he was stressed, but after finding receipts for hotel rooms, expensive meals and even pills to help his performance in bed, I realised the truth.
We are both 48 and the woman he’s cheating with is in her 30s. She lives on the posh side of town and I think they might work together.
My husband is a hotel manager, but doesn’t earn a lot and yet he traded our old car in three weeks ago for a new electric one with all the whistles and bells.
Questioning him, he insisted he was fine. I then found a receipt in his jeans pocket from a nice restaurant in town when I was doing the washing.
He denied all knowledge lying, “I’ve never heard of the place. I don’t know what you’re on about.”
Then there were the blue pills I saw in his washbag. He never needed them with me.
I asked him what they were for and he said they were for migraines.
When I saw the hotel bill in his car, he finally admitted to having an affair but begged me not to leave him.
He had the cheek to tell me she is ‘classy and likes the finer things in life’.
He’s paying me £200 a week in cash to not tell his family. His parents are strict Catholics and they do not believe in divorce or cheating. I think he’s worried about being written out of the will.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: If he chooses this woman over you, then why should you stay with him? Don’t allow him to buy his fake integrity. He’s a gaslighter, a cheat and he’s abusing your kind nature.
If his family disapproves, then that’s for him to navigate.
Find a moment to tell him that you value yourself too much to allow this charade to continue and you’re going to find some help.
My support pack called Cheating – Can You Get Over It? shows you where to find good counselling to decide where you go from here.
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
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