DEAR DEIDRE: MY boyfriend has a reputation of being a player and so I felt quite intimidated about having sex with him.
I thought he’d be amazing in bed and would think I was a total amateur. The reality has been the exact opposite.
He doesn’t have a clue and I haven’t had a single orgasm with him.
I’m 29 and he’s 28 and we’ve been together for ten months.
He has slept with countless women and I’d heard on the grapevine about all the sexual adventures he’d got involved in – threesomes, brief encounters and several friends with benefits.
On the other hand I’ve only had two serious relationships and haven’t even had a one night stand.
The first time we had sex I was so disappointed – there was zero foreplay, he only wanted sex in the missionary position and after he’d climaxed, he rolled over and went straight to sleep.
He seems oblivious to how frustrated I feel.
I couldn’t believe it the other night in the pub with friends when I overheard him boasting about how I couldn’t get enough of him.
I don’t want to be unkind and tell him he’s the worst I’ve ever had, but if I don’t sort this out, I won’t want to stay with him anyway.
The sad thing is he’s a great guy and although he’s a bit loud and brash, he’s got a heart of gold.
DEIDRE SAYS: You’ll never sort this out unless you talk to him.
You don’t need to be unkind but he needs to know you want to enjoy sex with him.
He may genuinely believe he’s god’s gift to women, or more likely, all his bravado could be a cover for feeling insecure.
Without putting him down, let him know what you like and show him when you are together.
Let him know you are going to tell him when you’re ready for sex – no foreplay, no sex.
There’s no point in simmering silently, he’ll never learn to please you unless you let him know what you need.
Explain that most women need clitoral stimulation to climax which is very difficult to achieve through penetrative sex alone.
You can show him my support pack, Orgasm For Women.
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