A reader confesses her addiction to rifling through things that are none of her business.
We also look at how you can break your addiction if you are suffering from the same nosy urges.
IN the bathroom at a New Year house party, Charlotte Turner stares in disbelief at the positive pregnancy test.
But the wand she is clutching isn’t hers — in fact she’s only found it because she fished it out of the bin.
Thrilled by the realisation that her friend is expecting a baby, Charlotte, 35, pops the test carefully back into its wrapper in the trash — and practises looking shocked for when she is officially given the news.
But this isn’t the first time HR worker Charlotte has gone fishing through rubbish to dig the dirt on her pals. She is a compulsive snooper.
Charlotte, who lives in an upmarket suburb in Birmingham, loves nothing more than a secret rummage around her mates’ houses to uncover their biggest secrets.
I’m always the first to suggest a group get-together, but it’s not because I love a party — it’s the perfect opportunity for me to go snooping.
Charlotte
And she’s not alone. The UK is a nation of nosy parkers, a recent survey revealed, with more than 60 per cent of adults admitting to spying on their neighbours.
Charlotte says: “My passion for digging around people’s houses always makes Christmas and New Year parties exciting because neighbours, friends and family let you into their homes and I’m poised for a good poke about in their private space.
“I’m always the first to suggest a group get-together, but it’s not because I love a party — it’s the perfect opportunity for me to go snooping.
“I’m totally addicted to poking around where my nose doesn’t belong. I just can’t stop.
“I love being invited for drinks at someone’s house rather than going out, because I know I’ll get to have a nosy.
“While the Prosecco is flowing and everyone’s in full swing, I’ll excuse myself to the loo and have a good rummage through the bathroom cupboards.
“Everyone’s having a great time, so nobody really notices if I’ve disappeared for 15 minutes.
“This gives me plenty of time to discover secrets, as I want to know everything — from where their soap comes from to what medication they’re on.”
Charlotte’s best discovery came on New Year’s Eve 2023, when she found her good friend’s positive pregnancy test.
She says: “I was bursting to say something but managed to act surprised when she told me her news at Easter.
“I also managed to avoid mentioning the packets of Viagra I’d found stashed away behind the cough medicine, although I’ve never been able to look her husband in the eye since.
“It doesn’t have to be something as life-changing a discovery as a pregnancy for me to get my kicks, though.
“I was thrilled when I went to stay with my sister-in-law last year, whose house is Instagram-perfect, and discovered the half-full bottles of cheap hand soap stashed under the sink that she had used to fill up the £30 designer Aesop bottles she had on display.
“I’d never say anything, but it gave me such a sense of satisfaction to know she isn’t quite as posh as she makes out.
“I also took great pleasure in having a quick look in her kitchen bin after she presented us with a just too perfect “home-made” apple crumble.
“It was warmed up, but I knew she hadn’t made it and made a point of pretending I had something to throw in the bin, where I found an empty packet of Tesco finest.”
The festive period is peak snooping time for Charlotte. While many dread invites from their in-laws, she grabs any chance to snoop around the homes of her extended family.
I reckon loads of women have a snoop around their friends’ houses whenever they can. My snooping isn’t malicious, but I do know that, hypocritically, I would be mortified if any of my friends started poking around in my life.
“It’s too good an opportunity to miss,” she says. “I’ve never found anything scandalous there, but I’ve taken a glance at letters that they’ve left lying around and I know how much pension they are getting. I’d never admit my snooping to my friends.
“I don’t feel guilty about it at all – I never pass any information on to other people, so I don’t feel bad.
“My husband doesn’t know how bad I am. He’d be embarrassed if he knew. He wouldn’t understand my compulsion to snoop — he’s not a nosy person at all.
“But I don’t have any boundaries. If I came across someone’s diary I’d have a quick flick through.”
Charlotte believes she is far from alone when it comes to her compulsion.
She says: “I think most women are pretty nosy deep down, but most don’t admit it.
“I reckon loads of women have a snoop around their friends’ houses whenever they can.
“My snooping isn’t malicious, but I do know that, hypocritically, I would be mortified if any of my friends started poking around in my life, so I take careful steps to prevent it.
“I’m careful to keep anything I wouldn’t want people to see properly hidden away, not just stuffed in a bathroom cupboard.
“I’ve ordered takeaway Chinese food before and passed it off as home cooking, but I was smart enough to order before my friends arrived before reheating it in my own dishes.
“I then walked down the road with the takeaway bags and popped them in a neighbour’s bin. I shred all my letters, especially for things like doctor appointments, because I know if I saw one in a friend’s house, I’d look.
“For me, it’s like an addiction. I have to know everything. It gives me a huge dopamine hit. I love having the secret feeling of oneupmanship.”
There are benefits to Charlotte’s snooping, she says. “When we were buying our home, I made sure to find out everything I could about the people who already lived there.
“In just a ten-minute showing by an estate agent, I’d managed to find out the names of the couple who owned the house by clocking some post by the door, and remembered what they looked like by looking at their framed photos.
“Before I’d arrived back home, I’d found them on social media.
“I went through all their posts, telling myself I was checking to see if the house had ever been flooded or if they were keeping secrets from us.
“I found out they were on a holiday of a lifetime to celebrate the wife’s 30th birthday and I found her actual birthday was at the end of the week.
“I waited until the day of her birthday to put in a cheeky offer, below the asking price, on the home.
“I was hoping she would think our offer on a house they’d been trying to sell for months, that just happened to come on her 30th, was meant to be destiny.
“Amazingly, it worked. I like to think my snooping saved me £50,000. I did tell my husband about that, and he was actually pretty pleased, but he has no idea of the extent to which I’m prepared to snoop on other people’s lives.”
Charlotte confesses her nosy habits extend into her professional life, too.
You might judge me, but can you honestly say you’ve never had a sneaky glance in someone’s cupboards or at their post?
Charlotte
She says: “Working in HR, I have access to some colleagues’ email accounts.
“While I’m technically allowed to monitor their emails, I’m not supposed to read anything and everything for my own entertainment.
“But when I’m bored, I’ll scroll through their old emails. Once, I found some steamy messages between two colleagues, both of whom were married.
“It started off as a couple of cheeky emails asking each other out for a drink, then turned to messages booking hotels together.
“I started to notice them taking lunch breaks together, and a couple of times they both turned up late and he was wearing the same clothes as the day before. It was like watching my own personal soap opera unfolding daily.
“It almost killed me not to tell anyone about it, but if I want to keep being nosy, I can’t tell anyone what I’m up to. I also don’t want to lose the trust of my friends.”
Charlotte justifies her snooping by promising herself she will never breathe a word of what she finds to anyone else.
“It’s just to satisfy my own curiosity,” she says. “I know I’d lose my job if people knew what I was up to.
“But, for me, it’s the same rush as having an affair — it’s a risky secret, but nobody is getting hurt, so I am certainly not giving it up as a New Year resolution, I’ve never really thought it’s something I might need to get help for.
“You might judge me, but can you honestly say you’ve never had a sneaky glance in someone’s cupboards or at their post? Far more people do it than would ever care to admit it.”
TELLY psychologist Emma Kenny has tips for quitting the prying . . .
GET TRIGGERS IN CHECK: Think what drives you to snoop. Are you insecure about a friendship or desperately curious about what colleagues think of you? Once you pinpoint all this, you can decide to keep a lid on it.
CHANNEL YOUR CURIOSITY: Redirect your inner detective and find a hobby that satisfies your need for exploration, or use your inquisitive streak at work in a positive way, perhaps by spearheading a research project or learning a new skill. Channelling your energy into something that enriches you, you’ll see curiosity can be a strength rather than weakness.
HOLD YOURSELF ACCOUNTABLE: Breaking your habit isn’t a one-person job. Tell a trusted friend what you are going through and ask them to check in with you. If you know they will ask, “Did you keep your promise today?” you will think twice before having a nosy.
