DEAR DEIDRE: MY dad installed CCTV cameras where my mum works because he is convinced she has been cheating on him.
They argue constantly and he accuses her of all kinds of things.
I really worry about them and their relationship, and I don’t know what to do.
I’m a 26-year-old guy and still live at home while I complete my studies.
My mum, a caterer with her own kitchen premises, is 55 and my dad, 57, is an engineer.
I have an older brother, who no longer lives at home.
Mum and Dad used to be happy together, but over the past few years they haven’t been getting on.
I hear them fighting when I’m in my room studying, and they bicker whenever we have meals.
My father seems to find fault with whatever my mum says or does — from what she cooks to what she wears. This has made Mum spend as little time around him as she can.
She often works at her kitchen, which is a ten-minute drive away, until late.
Of course, this has just made Dad even more suspicious.
Things came to a head last weekend when my mother found a CCTV camera in her kitchen.
When she confronted my father, he admitted he’d put it there because he was sure she was having an affair with one of her younger male employees.
He’s been watching the footage on his laptop at home.
He is totally paranoid and Mum is absolutely furious. They have been fighting loudly, and it’s horrible.
Living with them is becoming impossible but, even if I could afford to move out, I don’t want to leave my mum.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Your parents’ relationship is extremely toxic, and it’s no surprise that you find it so uncomfortable to be around them these days.
I wonder if something has happened that you are unaware of – a past affair, for example.
Your dad’s extreme behaviour sounds abusive.
It’s possible he has developed some sort of cognitive impairment, causing this change.
You need to talk to your mother and tell her how you feel.
Ask her to be honest about what is behind all this.
Tell her you are worried about her and your dad, and say they need to get help to sort this out.
Perhaps he needs to see a doctor. You should suggest she reads my Abusive Partner? support pack.
You could also talk to your brother to see if he can help, or shed any light on what may be going on.
For further advice on dealing with problems like this, you can also contact familylives.org.uk.
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